Don’t lie -- we all, at one point or another, more frequently than not, stalk the sh*t out of exes after a breakup. This nonsense can go on for months, honestly, as it becomes a pretty habitual behavior. This is ridiculous and literally makes no sense. This person is your ex. YOUR EX. Why the f*ck do you even give a sh*t what he or she is up to -- you are no longer dating. Who cares? Move on and find someone better.
Despite all logic, we just can’t resist the stalking process. I mean it’s just so easy and accessible! You've got Vine, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and whatever other crap is out there. Does it make us feel better? Maybe. Does it piss us off when we see something we wish we hadn’t? 99% of the time. Do we keep doing it? Hell yeah! Should we stop? Obviously. Will we? Probably not.
What is with this fascination? Let’s investigate the reasons we're so obsessed with stalking our exes:
1. We want to make sure we’re doing better than they are
Well, f*cking duh. It’s only natural after a breakup that we want to compare our lives to our exes'. It’s pretty f*cking sad if you’re the one who's losing in the competition of who's living better. If it seems that your ex is making more moves than you -- well it’s time to get your sh*t together. If this is the case, then it’s time to stop worrying about your ex and to start worrying about yourself.
2. We want to see if they ate away their depression
The best revenge is your ex getting fat, really this makes us feel so much better about ourselves. Superficial as it may be, it really helps to add to our self-esteem. We like to think we’ve had you in your prime as we move on to our next relationship and leave you in a heap of tears and cheetos.
3. Maybe we're just bored
Sometimes we are just plain ol’ bored, so obviously instead of, hmm I don’t know exercising (?), we choose to stalk our exes. WHY?! Because there is nothing else better to do on the Internet (cough, Netflix). Sometimes you have no intention of even checking up on your ex and the next thing you know you’re scrolling through their Instagram feed.
4. We want to confirm we’re better than their current hook up
Chances are your ex is downgrading because they want to distract themselves with the quickest thing they can settle for to get their mind off the breakup. It’s true; if you’re the dumpee, this is bound to happen. But wait -- think about it though -- do we really want them to downgrade? If he or she is with a dog now, what does it say about us? This is why the stalking makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, we don’t even know what the F it is that we want.
5. We like the pain
For some freaking reason, we like to make ourselves feel like sh*t. Maybe it’s so we can rationalize the extra large pizza we are going to consume on our lonesome as we drown our sorrows in endless bottles of Pinot Grigio. The best part is, we become infuriated when we can’t find any good dirt out there, like we actually get more upset we can’t find something to upset us. WTF? Where is the logic? WHERE IS IT? Oh, there it is -- down in the gutter with our hearts.
6. To see if they had a sudden life change
As much as we love to hate our exes, they were once integral parts of our lives, so it’s normal to be curious as to what they’ve been up to. Chances are you know what their future plans were intended to be, so checking up on their status isn’t that bad of a habit; just don’t use this to rationalize every time you search for their Facebook.
7. It’s accessible
Well that is unless your ex has essentially blocked you on every social media platform (immature much?). As social media platforms continue to expand, the access we have into others' lives will also increase. Is there no privacy anymore? Well, thank God for that or it wouldn’t be this easy to stalk our exes!
8. To keep tabs
Sometimes the breakup was so horrible that you never want to see your ex again. By checking up on them on social media, you have a better prediction of what their movements are so you can hope to avoid them. Unless you are the sick twisted individual who does this to purposely run into them.