The Things You Should Never Say During Pillow Talk

by Anonymous

There is a time and a place for everything, Elite. Unfortunately, many of us are extraordinarily skilled at offending women because we lack common sense and a filter. To ensure a happy relationship with a hookup, lover, girlfriend, or spouse it is essential to possess the ability to discern between appropriate and inappropriate conversation in any given scenario.

Perhaps the easiest time to unintentionally offend a woman is during pillow talk. When you have just been satisfied to no end and you are relaxing with your lover, the last thing she wants is to be offended by your idiocy. It is safe to say many of us don't think rationally as the blood is still all in our penis rather than our heads.

Here are the questions you must avoid during pillow talk.

How many guys have you slept with?

This simple question could ruin your entire relationship with this woman. Despite your childlike curiosity apparent when asking this question, when the answer is ultimately unveiled, one party will wind up hurt and pissed. Either you have slept with too many girls or she has slept with too many guys. And always remember multiple her number by two and she knows to divide your number by two.

And trust us, there is no such a thing as a good “number”. Even if she tells you she has only slept with 5 guys you are still likely to find yourself irate and up in arms after the fact. It is best to completely avoid this one at all times but especially during pillow talk because one of you will storm out.

My ex-girlfriend used to do the same thing

No one likes having their skills in bed compared to another person, but hell hath no fury like a woman compared to your ex-girlfriend. Did you really think this one would turn our well? Comparing your lover to your ex-girlfriend after the fact is an easy way to ensure that she will not be making a follow up visit.

I really wish you would have...

Seldom few individuals respond positively to criticism of their performance—positive or negative—following the act. If you would like to make a suggestion, perhaps use a better approach, like “I think it would be better for US if you did…” It will take the pressure off her and probably even make her more willing to fulfill your fantasy.

Was it good?

Elite, if you have to ask this question, you are failing to do your job. You should be banging her brains out to the point where your done and she can't even move anymore. If you have not made her orgasm your job is half done. If she was having a good time, trust us, you would be aware. I can assure you that if you feel compelled to ask this question and her reply is yes, she is probably lying not to hurt your feelings.

Am I the best you've had?

You are just opening yourself up to a world of hurt. This is a poor choice of a question to ask because of the enormous pressure you put on the girl. If you are her best, she will tell you the truth. But even if you are not her best, she will most likely reply “Yes” to spare your feelings without much confidence in her voice. You are not likely to receive an honest answer to this question.

I love you

The chances of you actually meaning that right after sex are slim to none. You must remember your mind is not thinking correctly and your penis is still talking. Don't ever even say the word love after sex because if she gets a taste of it she will want to hear it every time. Best to stay away from this word until you really mean it, which is never.

I forgot to tell you, I have...

Look, all STDs and genital abnormalities should be unveiled prior to the act occurring. Do not withhold information that you have a venereal disease simply to ensure that the act still goes down. We know it has been a while, but one should never put another individual's health at risk simply for sexual gratification.

I was recording this.

Why would you even say this? If you were secretly recording the act, keep it that way: a secret. There is nothing one can accomplish by revealing this information in bed except ensuring an argument with a livid female.

It smells in here.

Sometimes, sex can get a bit smelly. We all know what budussy is and it's not pretty. Many of us have been the unfortunate victims to some foul odors being emitted from a woman who got a tad bit too hot and heavy. In the same vein, it might possibly be you that is emitting the offending smell.

To ensure that both partners remain comfortable after the fact, if there is a foul odor, simply suggest that the two of you shower together. That way neither party is offended and you can be positive that you are not the source of the smell before you pass off the blame.

Could your hot friend join us next time?

You are just looking to start an argument, aren't you? There is a time and a place for a threesome suggestion, and I assure you that asking while in bed will be highly offensive to your lover. Would you not be annoyed if she suggested that you allow your “hot friend” to join you next time?

What's this yuckky stuff?

It has happened before than when a girl orgasms a bit too much decides to come out of the well. This will leave the bed completely soaked and she will be brutally embarrassed by it. If you ask her about it she will even probably turn red. Your best bet here is to go right to the bathroom and come back to lay on the side of the bed that is'ent soaked and let her lay in her pleasure juice.

It is safe to say that all of us men should do what were suppose to do and instantly fall asleep after sex. Any chance that words come out of our mouth it could ruin it forever with this girl and the last thing we ever want to do is lose a booty call.