An Open Letter To All The 'Other Women' Out There: Stop Sleeping With Someone Else's Man

by Robin van der Vegt

We all know how tough certain things in life can be: losing a job, being ill, losing a loved one or having a cheating partner.

Whenever things like these happen, you can expect people around you to feel sympathetic — or even empathic — about your situation. Even strangers would likely agree that your life sucks at moments like these.

Unfortunately, these experiences are just a part of life. It’s part of the deal. We can try as hard as we want but sometimes, sh*t just happens and there is nothing left to do. But why, I keep wondering, do we keep doing things that hurt other people?

Recently my relationship of seven years ended. I discovered that my boyfriend was unfaithful in the last year of our relationship. He had been unfaithful a lot. It hurt — a lot.

So obviously, I did react: I cried, I screamed, I ate like a pig, I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, I didn’t leave my house and didn’t change out of my pajamas for days.

Being cheated on in the social media era is especially traumatic because you can see the other women. And then you spend your days wondering, “Is this one prettier?” “Is it because she is skinnier?” “Is this girl more successful?” I hate them, and I've never even met them.

I was very angry with them. Everybody told me it was not their fault, that it was my boyfriend’s responsibility. Those women didn’t have anything to do with me. But now, eight months later, I’m living a very happy single life and I still don’t agree.

These women all knew my boyfriend was in a relationship. It was only for “fun” and “just sex.” They weren't head over heels in love, hoping he would leave me… it was just about “enjoying themselves.”

So I keep wondering, how can everybody care so little about other people? They could have just as easily had “fun” with someone else. Why does nobody seem to care about the pain it would cause me? And why does nobody seem to agree that these women did a sh*tty thing, too?

I had never believed in “home wreckers.” I thought if someone can get in between two people, there must have been something very wrong in the relationship anyway.

But that doesn’t mean that “the other woman” or “the home wrecker” can just do whatever she wants. I believe in some kind of cosmic responsibility. Don’t do to others what you don’t want done unto you.

But somehow, nobody around me believed they were also at fault. These women didn’t think so either. (Yes, I contacted them after a couple too many drinks).

I really don’t get it. First of all, I would never sleep with a guy who has a girlfriend. The only situation in which I would do that would be if I was really crazy-in-love and hoping, wishing and praying he would choose me.

Then maybe, yes, I would be the other woman. But why in the world would you have a night of fun with a guy you neither know nor care about while knowing someone may get hurt, badly? Why would you want that role?

These women have hurt me. Of course, my boyfriend made the wrong call, but they did, too. If they didn’t sleep with him, someone else would have, but if this someone else wouldn’t do that either, then there would be nobody with whom to cheat.

I am not saying that in this case, my relationship would be alive and well and perfect, and of course, there will always be people around who just don’t care, but I seriously don’t get that everybody seems to think it’s fine because it's not their responsibility.

Everybody seems to think that these women don’t have any obligation or responsibility toward me. But what about girl code? Sleeping with a guy who's in a relationship will hurt someone.

When trying to get over my grief in a couple of bars, I have told complete strangers my of hardship and I never get anything but empathetic responses. It seems that everyone understands that getting cheated on is hurtful.

Here’s what I want to say to all “other women” out there. Your “fun” means a lot of pain to someone else. You might tell yourself it’s not your responsibility, that if not you, he would cheat with someone else, but the real question is, do you want to play a role in some other woman’s pain?

Are you willing to take on the responsibility of hurting somebody who didn’t do anything wrong to you? Or do you want to walk away from all that and have your fun without any collateral damage?

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