I Got An Up-Close Look At A Dildo That Ejaculates
I'm clutching my plastic cup of champagne (ugh, I fucking love champagne) as my sore, tired, eight-hours-staring-at-a-computer-screen eyes take in the vision of a hot pink dildo with this test tube-looking thing hanging out of it.
It's called a POP dildo, and it's like any other high-end dildo. Except it ejaculates, ladies.
I can feel my editor/darling friend Alexia LaFata who's standing next to me (we're codependent) scientifically studying the dildo like it's an exotic artifact at the Museum of Natural History.
She's straight, and not as used to being in the presence of dildos as I am, so this trip to elusive, luscious Babeland is quite the treat for her.
I bought my first strap-on here in my early 20s, and will forever hold the experience close to my bleeding, lesbian heart.
In fact, I take all of my baby dykes here on field trips when they first come out. It's a rite of passage. And the people who work at Babeland could make a nun feel comfortable buying a vibrator.
Even if it ejaculates.
As Alexia and I fondle this particularly special hot pink dildo, Stephanie Berman, owner, president and creator of the POP Dildo, is standing in front of us, explaining how her invention has seriously changed her life.
"My big 'aha moment' came when we used the toy twice, and my wife got a positive pregnancy test result. We had successfully conceived our now 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter," Berman says.
"It was at that moment I knew this product could change the lives of so many LGBTQ+ couples, and I wanted to do everything I could to make this available to people all over the world. I'm also quite proud to report my wife and I conceived our second child with POP on our first try!"
OK, now I'm really intrigued. As a lesbian who hopes to carry a child in the next two years, I'm tortured over the idea of going to a doctor, sitting in a cold room and being inseminated by a strange man in white gloves.
I can't explain it, but my desire to be a mother is so strong, and the idea that it's something that would happen in an isolated, lonely, non-romantic environment has weighed on me since before I came out of the closet.
Berman and her wife had similar concerns. They wanted to conceive in the privacy of their own home, but didn't exactly want to use a turkey baster or a needle-less syringe to do so.
"As the non-carrying partner, I wanted to feel truly involved in the baby making process," she says.
Call me a snob, but I'm also not into the idea of semen being inserted with a syringe or turkey baster into my vagina. I want to do what most straight people get to do: have sex and get pregnant.
"You can get pregnant from a turkey baster?" Alexia asks, her eyes widening in journalistic interest.
"Oh, girl, I could tell you a few lesbians who tried the turkey baster method," I smugly purr.
"You can get pregnant from a turkey baster?"
But no-no-no will that do for lesbians like me and Berman. That's why, when Berman's search for an alternative tool came up empty-handed, she did the most badass thing.
She just made one herself.
"I decided I could create a product that would incorporate the function of the turkey baster and syringe, but with some pleasure aspects as well. And what better way than with a sex toy?" she says.
Alexia and I proceed to tipsily gush and blush, ooh and aah over her amazing creation, shocked that it only took a few prototypes to work.
"Woah, woah, WOAH, slow down, Zara!" you're asking through the static screen of your laptop (or your phone, as I'm incessantly reminded that 80 percent of you only read on MOBILE). "You're diving into ejaculating dildos and making babies without explaining how the hell this thing even works?"
OK, I'll slow my roll, kittens. But I'm just excited. Let me live!
Since I believe seeing is believing, you can watch the demo video below, but I'll also do my best to explain it for those at work and unable to risk a dildo tutorial popping up on their screen.
Basically, the POP dildo looks like a nice (and rather large) luxury dildo, except it comes with a "specifically designed inner tubing embedded in the shaft with an attached pump."
You draw up the liquid of your choice — maybe it's lube, maybe it's semen — into the tube. Then, when you're ready to "ejaculate," squeeze the pump, and the liquid squirts out.
It's so crazy simple, yet so powerful, babes.
Seeing it first-hand in the middle of Babeland, I begin to feel wildly empowered and excited that this POP dildo exists. Not only could it be fun to play with in the bedroom, but the fact I can get pregnant in such an intimate, collaborative way is deeply comforting to me.
The fact I can get pregnant in such an intimate, collaborative way is deeply comforting to me.
Plus, research suggests the odds of a woman getting pregnant might be higher when she climaxes because the sperm can travel more quickly to the fallopian tubes. (Just sayin'.)
"While we obviously can't guarantee conception will occur — no one can — we can guarantee that with POP, you will have an intimate, private, and pleasurable experience in which BOTH partners feel involved in the process," says Berman.
(She does tell me, though, that at a recent BBQ, she realized there were SIX kids running around that were all conceived because of POP. "It's humbling, and a huge honor to see that in person," she says.)
Alexia is very excited about all this info, albeit a little bit jealous we gays get all the "cool sex toys."
She's not wrong. We do get cool sex toys, and we do have so many innovative, smart, brilliant people in our community, like Berman, looking out for us and making sure our needs are met.
We gays get all the 'cool sex toys.'
As I leave Babeland, I knock back the last of the champagne and call my girlfriend to tell her about this awesome dildo I just discovered.
She seems a little frightened at first — probably because the mention of children always sends a little shiver down her spine.
I mean lezbehonest: when you think your girlfriend is going to some cute sex toy event and ends up calling you buzzed on the streets of Soho rambling about making babies, it's natural that one might be a little taken aback.
But once her baby fears melt away (don't they always?), she too seems excited and grateful about this magical dildo.
