In honor of National Tell a Joke Day (yes, that's a thing and, yes, it's today), let's talk about one of the most funny topics of all time: sex. We spend so much time talking about all of the hot steamy aspects of sex that I think we forget to think about how AWKWARD, WEIRD and, frankly, HILARIOUS it is.
So, I decided to send out a quick, little survey asking people to tell me about the funniest things that have happened to them in bed. From queefs (people REALLY think queefs are funny) to broken penises, they delivered.
Next time you have sex with someone for the first time and something ~so embarrassing~ happens, don't freak out. Read this list and remember that it's okay to LAUGH your naked butts off.
When you squirt.
I once peed on a guy while we were hooking up. I guess I squirted? Or maybe I just peed, guess we'll never know. Either way, I thought the whole thing was so funny. He didn't realize I just peed all over him, he just thought he was the MAN and kept going on about how wet I was. I thought the whole thing was hysterical so I literally could not stop laughing.
— Janice*, 23
When you queef.
Queefing during certain positions! Oh well.
— Miranda*, 24
It was the first time I was having sex with this guy and he had whiskey dick so it was hard for him to get it up and going. We did some foreplay and while he was fingering me, which he was not good at doing, I would queef every time and he thought I was farting. I tried so hard not to laugh but I was drunk and it was funny as hell and laughing just made me queef more. We didn't end up having sex that night, instead he passed out next to me after confiding in me that he was in love with another girl and he didn't know why he had made a Tinder and pursued going home with me.
— Alayne, 22
— Susan, 30
Oh God. I used to have sex with this guy who would get me so wet and the inevitable queef sounding noise would come out. The first couple times I would laugh internally and ignore if but I just burst out laughing one time and this guy thought I was laughing at him. It was terrible, but I literally could not stop laughing. Almost every single time we made out or had sex after that I would burst out laughing in the middle, just because, and this poor guy never understood why. Oh well....?
— Nina, 23
— Lauren, 22
When you get your period.
We had just finished having sex and I left the bedroom to get some water. While I was in the kitchen I broke a glass. Not really a big deal, I was cleaning it up. From the bedroom, I hear him ask me, "are you bleeding?" Assuming he is referring to the glass I just broke, I replied no. He comes into the kitchen, still in the nude, and I can see what he actually was asking me. There was blood all over his lower torso. I guess I got my period mid-sex. No wonder it felt so amazing. It was so hilarious and sort of embarrassing, we had only recently started dating. From there we continued the fun in the shower.
— Jenna*, 32
When you break his penis.
I was having sex with a guy that I met on Tinder while on a business trip for work. We were pretty intoxicated and I was on top. Somehow I managed to break his penis, and at that point, all I could do was die laughing as I was so embarrassed.
— Ashley, 23
When you kick him.
One time I was having sex with this guy - it wasn't our first time but it was a pretty new hookup. I kneed him in the head and I started cracking up not only from my own clumsiness but also because he kept on going and didn't acknowledge the contact that just happened between my knee and his forehead. He then started laughing too, which lightened up the mood.
— Katelyn*, 23
When switching positions, I kicked my boyfriend in the face — by accident, I swear! After I asked if he was OK, I couldn't help but burst into laughter.
— Veronica*, 28
When you get a nose bleed.
I was in the middle of having sex and the boy I was having sex with got a nose bleed and bled all over my face.
— Bertha*, 23
When fingers are going inside of butts.
Female fingers in male butts.
— Josh*, 32
Anyway, I hope you got as much of a kick out of these submissions as I did. Keep doing the dirty and keep LOLing while you're at it!
*Name has been changed.