This Sex Fitness Tracker Is Now Available So You Can Pump More Than Iron


In our modern age, if you need to track any bodily statistic, there's an app for that...

Except if you wanted to check how great you are banging away the calories -- until *checks watch* right now.

The Lovely is a sex-based fitness tracker that fits around the base of your penis, a finger or even a dildo like a goddamn, sexy blow pop.


If you like it, you SHOULD put a ring on it.

Its most basic fucktion... sorry, function is to count how many calories you're burning while having sex.

However, the Lovely also vibrates, slows down blood circulation to your dick thus increasing the duration of your erection and even keeps a record of your favorite positions.


I hope my Lovely can get used to seeing the position, "Upside Down Covered In Syrup Dressed As A Pirate." A LOT.

I... I've said too much.

In addition, it even gives you ideas for future positions to do (might I recommend the "Upside Down Covered In Syrup Dressed As A Pirate?").

Lovely connects to an app available for iOS and Android through Bluetooth and can tell you your top speed, duration and how many positions you've attempted.

Let me check my top speed.

"570 mph?" That... That doesn't sound right.

Duration? "5 hours, 30 minutes."

Wait a second, that's right. I strapped my sex fitness tracker to the front of a 747 during my most recent trip from LA to NYC.


Look at my Lovely becoming a member of the Mile High Club before I have.

The Lovely went up on Indiegogo last year and thanks to over $40,000 it garnered on the site, it's now available for $169.

Let me rephrase that: You're one 69 (I hate myself) away from tracking your sex life in ridiculous detail, even down to letting your partner know what worked and didn't work for you through the app.

Citations: There's Now a Fitness Tracker for Your Sex Life (Shape)