5 Tips To Up Your Chances Of Having An Orgasm, According To A Sex Expert

We all want to have good sex. Even if you don't have sex, like, ever, I'm going to go ahead and assume that when/if you ever do have it, you would hope that it's good.

But those of us who have had sex know that mind-blowing, fantastic, life-changing sex doesn't happen all the time. It especially doesn't happen too often for women.

But it sure would be nice if we could figure out how to make it happen more often, wouldn't it? Well, don't worry, ladies. I've GOT YOUR BACK.

Yesterday, I interviewed top sex expert, Wendy Strgar, about her best tips on achieving orgasm for women.

Without further ado, read along and REVOLUTIONIZE YOUR SEX LIFE.

Don't stress about it.

When my editor, Alexia, surveyed 100 women to find out what makes a guy good in bed, a whopping 89 percent of them said they want a guy who knows when an orgasm just isn't going to happen for their lady.

Strgar can attest to that. Her first tip to achieving orgasm? Well, ironically, it's to stop trying to have an orgasm.

She said, "If you try to force yourself to orgasm or if you're afraid it's not going to happen, it's not gonna work."

If you try to force yourself to orgasm or if you're afraid it's not going to happen, it's not gonna work.

It's the pressure we feel to make ourselves have them that pushes us away from achieving orgasm.

Strgar explains that this is because when we're stressing about whether or not we're going to have one, we get anxious. This is a problem because the part of your brain that feels orgasms cannot be lit up while the part of the brain that feels anxiety is lit up.

It's the pressure we feel to make ourselves have them that pushes us away from achieving orgasm.

To help us understand, Strgar compares orgasm to forgiveness. Stay with us here...

The best thing you can do when it comes to forgiving someone is opening yourself up to trying to let the grudge go. You can't just make yourself let the grudge go.

Similarly, the best you can do while trying to achieve orgasm is opening yourself up to the possibility of having one.

Be present.

So, what should we focus on while we're trying not to focus on achieving orgasm?

Strgar advises us to tune into our senses and really immerse ourselves in the present. She said, "Get out of your head about a destination, and really dive into the sexual journey."

Get out of your head about a destination, and really dive into the sexual journey.

We can do this by really paying attention to sensations. Really take in (no pun intended) what your partner's touch feels like on your skin. And, beyond that, Strgar advises another great sensation to tap into is scent.

If you're having trouble really diving into your senses, she advises using a naturally scented aphrodisiac oil that you can rub all over yourself and your partner.

These are great because their scent goes straight from your nose to the limbic part of your brain. The limbic part of your brain thing is HUGE because that's where you can really wake up arousal.

Be sober.

It's one of those sad things we don't really talk about, isn't it? Lots of us get drunk or high to take the awkwardness out of sex.

And, of course, sometimes we end up having sex drunk or high just because we're feeling it and we want to.

But the fact of the matter remains that sex while under the influence is never going to be good.

Strgar warns those of us trying to achieve orgasm that "If you're drunk or high, it's definitely not going to happen."

Remember that whole presence thing we just talked about? Well, being wasted really messes with that.

As anyone who's ever been intoxicated knows all too well, being under the influence completely takes away our self-presence (hence us using alcohol to feel less awkward in sexual encounters).

But the problem, according to Strgar, is that "If you don't have any self-presence, you can't just expect that the guy's gonna go in you and you're going to orgasm."

Simply put: If you're trying to have an orgasm, maybe skip the tequila shots.

Take your time.

Strgar shared a pretty depressing stat with me. She told me that, in America, we make love, on average, for seven to 12 minutes.

Why is that so depressing? Well, because, although that might be enough time for a guy to achieve orgasm, it just simply isn't enough time for a woman.

"You cannot hop into bed and in seven minutes expect to have an orgasm," Strgar explains.

You cannot hop into bed and in seven minutes expect to have an orgasm.

You need to, instead, continue to really focus on the present and take your time.

Follow our tips to staying present and, before you know it, you'll climax in 20 minutes.

Strgar elaborates, "You get to 20 minutes, and suddenly, the orgasm is just happening for you. You're not trying to make it happen, you're just inviting it in and it happens."

Use lube.

OK, ladies. Time to get real.

There seems to be a popular misconception amongst young women that we should be able to get wet on command. When we can't, we assume we're old, asexual or weird instead of, you know, just human.

Strgar explains there are plenty of reasons you could have trouble getting wet.

You could be on antihistamines or antidepressants. You could be super stressed. Or (and this I found to be particularly interesting) you could have trouble getting wet because you recently forced yourself to have sex when you weren't wet enough.

Allow me to elaborate on that last point. Strgar warned that, when we force ourselves to have sex when we're not wet enough, it's painful.

Your body remembers that pain, then it doesn't lubricate itself the next time you're about to have sex. It's scarred from that last painful time.

So, what's a gal to do? Strgar encourages us to LUBE UP. Seriously, guys. It's not weird.

Strgar reminds us, "If a guy is fingering a woman and she is not wet, that is not sexy for anybody." Nobody wants a dry, unsexy sex life, so just buck up and use lube!

Now go to the store with your head held high, and invest in some natural lubricants (she really encourages you to buy organic).

TL;DR? Strgar says, "Everybody can orgasm, but you can't orgasm under pressure, when you're hurried or when you're not wet."

Everybody can orgasm, but you can't orgasm under pressure, when you're hurried or when you're not wet.