I know there are far freakier sex dreams than the 22 general concepts that are mentioned on that list. We all have deeply personal, weirdly detailed dreams that we sometimes just can't seem to shake out of our heads.
Like, WHY did you dream about that guy from the grocery store yesterday? WHY was he wearing a top hat and nothing else?! What does it mean? Do you have to tell your boyfriend? Are you actually into the weird grocery store guy?!
So, I've decided to start a column. You guys can submit your sex dreams here, and we will have Lauri interpret one dream a week.
This week, we have 44-year-0ld Michael. He had a super erotic dream about his wife's best friend:
It was a warm summer's day, and she and I were walking in the park together. We stopped for a rest in a secluded area — largely hidden from view by some trees — and shared a bottle of wine together. Although nothing had been openly said and nothing inappropriate had happened, I knew that a line had been crossed in the sense that I was alone with this very sexy, good-looking woman, enjoying her company, getting on and bonding really well — but knowing deep down that my wife wouldn't approve. After finishing the bottle, we were both slightly drunk. She fell asleep lying on the grass with me sitting beside her, enjoying the sun. She was wearing purple jeans, purple socks, white shoes and a lightweight, short-sleeve, purple woolen top to compliment her jeans. She was lying with her arms outstretched above her head, and this caused her top to lift up ever so slightly to expose an inch or so of exposed flesh. I got more and more turned on looking at this beautiful woman lying there and couldn't resist the opportunity to see more of her. I pulled her top up to her neck and undid the buttons on her jeans (no zip), her body fully exposed from the top of her black underwear to her matching bra — a really sexy sight. I poured some wine all over her tummy and proceeded to lick it out of her belly button. Eventually, I licked and kissed her over her exposed flesh. She eventually woke up, but surprisingly, allowed me to continue, squirming and laughing at the ticklish sensations. She asked me, "What do you like about my belly button?" and I replied, "It's very deep." I then stuck my tongue in it and she shuddered, groaned — she obviously was sexually aroused. She removed her bra, played with her nipples and asked "Help me cum." At which point, I pulled down her jeans and underwear, and touched her between the legs. She orgasmed immediately, arching and bucking wildly, before falling back to sleep. Sexually unfulfilled, I then masturbated myself, ejaculating all over her tummy, breasts and face, and then proceeded to urinate all over her.
Here's Lauri's interpretation:
Wow. This reads like a Harlequin romance novel. No, wait... more like a Dear Penthouse! All joking aside — and despite how titillating this dream is — there's actually a lot of advice for you hidden within the dream. You never mentioned if, in real life, you are attracted to her. But from the way you describe her in the dream and your seeming lack of being disturbed or disgusted by it, I'm going on the assumption that the attraction is there. The secluded, hidden area where you stop in your dream is the area in your mind where you keep this attraction hidden. Getting drunk on the wine reflects how you are drunk on this attraction, and it may even be a warning that, like wine, it could keep you from thinking clearly. After drinking the wine, the friend proceeds to fall asleep. In a dream, this is really about being unaware or unconscious of something in real life. In your case, she is unconscious of your attraction. It's very interesting that she is wearing so much purple. Purple is most known for being the color of royalty, which indicates you certainly have her on a pedestal. But you should also put your own associations to purple here. Does purple remind you of anyone or anything? Is it the color of your favorite sports team, etc.? The way you open up her clothes while she is asleep is creepy and criminal behavior. However, it's a dream, so I'll give you a pass on that. Symbolically, it's about your desire to open up to her. I can't help but feel that pouring the wine on her is connected to wanting to pour your heart out to her. You tell her that her belly button is very deep. Belly buttons can actually symbolize deep connections because it is the place where we were connected to our mother in utero. In real life, have you connected with this friend on some level? She then wakes up and you make her cum, but notice how you don't "cum together." I think that's a play on words (dreams love to use word play). That right there is your wise dreaming mind reminding you that, even if you "wake her up" to how you feel, you can't morally "come together" and fulfill your desires. She then falls back to sleep, symbolizing her continued lack of awareness of your feelings, so you get yourself off without her... and then proceeding to urinate on her. Now, if golden showers are your thing, I'm not going to judge. But on a deeper level, that's really where the message is hiding. In fact, I have found in my research that the most important part of the dream is the point where the dream ends naturally — as opposed to it ending due to an alarm, a dog barking or some other outside interference. Like any good story, the moral comes at the end; the same is true with dreams. It's as if the dream wants to leave you with that particular point to ponder. So, urinating at the end is really all about you "relieving yourself," ridding yourself of the urge to merge with her in the real world. Or, perhaps it's to relieve yourself of the urge to open up to her about how you feel, as feelings are harder to rid yourself of than actions. So, keep it in your pants and these feelings in your head. Plus, since this friend is so close to your wife, I'd even do my best to not even entertain these thoughts. You'll just drive yourself crazy. Odds are, the feelings will pass or, at the very least, the desire to act on them will. If you find your mind wandering to her, just imagine her ripping a big, juicy fart. Visualization can be a powerful thing!
I hope this was helpful to Michael and anyone else with a forbidden crush!