What A Sex Dream About Someone You've Never Met IRL Means, From An Expert

by Candice Jalili
Kylah Benes-Trapp/Shutterstock

A while ago, I collaborated with famed dream expert, Lauri Loewenberg, to decode any and all of your freakiest sex dreams.  And I've had a guilty conscience about it ever since.

I know there are far freakier sex dreams than the 22 general concepts that are mentioned on that list. We all have deeply personal, weirdly detailed dreams that we sometimes just can't seem to shake out of our heads. 

Like, WHY did you dream about that guy from the grocery store yesterday? WHY was he wearing a top hat and nothing else?! What does it mean? Do you have to tell your boyfriend? Are you actually into the weird grocery store guy?!

So, I've decided to start a column. You guys can submit your sex dreams to, and we will have Lauri interpret one dream a week.

This week we have 22-year-old Alice*, who had a sex dream about her platonic internet friend:

A few weeks ago, I had a sex dream about an internet friend. This is a friend I have known for awhile, but we have never met due to living in other states. With nothing romantic ever being between us, the dream came as a bit of a surprise. In my dream, we were hanging out and then quickly got down to business. But it was ended short by us getting distracted by a colony of stray cats on the back patio, and we went outside to pet them. What could this dream mean?

Here's Lauri's interpretation:

In my research, I have found three main causes of sex dreams: 1. There's an attraction, and you are safely playing out the scenario in your head while you sleep. 2. You've connected, or need to connect, with this person on some psychological or emotional level. 3. There is some quality the other person possesses that you wish or need to unite in your own self. Since you mentioned there is no attraction between you and this online friend, it's got to be number two or number three. So let's figure it out. Did you two recently have an in-depth conversation where you really connected on some level? If so, your dream is using the act of sex — the ultimate union between two bodies — to illustrate the connection that was made. If not, then is there anything about this friend you want for yourself: his sense of humor or his relaxed attitude, for example? What are the first three things that come to mind when you think of him? Got 'em? OK, could any of those be helpful to you and your life if it was a defining quality for you, as well? If so, that may be what this dream is all about. However, the cat colony is a big clue we need to explore. The cats interrupted your 'business.' What in your real life has been interrupted or cut short recently? In a woman's dream, cats most often symbolize her sexuality, as cats are feminine and sexy. They purr and they slink, and we refer to a beautiful woman as a sex kitten. There is also a derogatory term for a woman's genitals that is also another name for a cat.
In a woman's dream, cats most often symbolize her sexuality.
With all that in mind, have your sexual needs sidetracked you in any way? Did you have a discussion about it with your online friend? Perhaps that is the connection your dream is illustrating? You went outside to your back patio to pet the cats. Two big clues here! Going outside in a dream can almost always be connected to getting something 'out in the open' in real life. And, the back of a house in a dream is all about that which is personal and private to you in real life. So, my educated guess is you connected with your friend by opening up to him about an intimate or sexual issue, and the two of you really connected in the process. There's no hidden attraction here... just the sign of a good friendship.
Going outside in a dream can be connected to getting something 'out in the open' in real life.

I hope this was helpful to Alice and anyone else who might have had a dream about an online friend.

Have your own sex dream you'd like Lauri to interpret? Email it over to us at

*Name has been changed.