When you're in a new relationship, the sex is SO MIND-BLOWING, you think there is no way it could EVER fade, do you, girl? You think you might have other problems in the relationship at some point, but never a sexual problem.
You guys just energetically understand the *rhythm* of each other's bodies, don't you? Your lips were tailored by a superior power to kiss — intoxicating, deep, hyper-sexual kisses — right?
Alright, kittens, I'll let you have your sweet, precious, lusty moment. But inside, I'm laughing.
Inner Zara is bitchily sipping a dirty — no, filthy — martini, rolling her heavily made up eyes and sarcastically chirping, "Of course, the sex is fantastic, honey. You're new! You're in the ecstasy phase."
I know, I know, I sound like a bitter, dried up, old hag who has been burned too many times. I sound like your jaded Aunt Rosemary who smokes mentholated cigarettes, has been divorced four times and collects adult cats as a hobby.
The truth is, I promise I'm not at all bitter. I'm just realistic about sex in a long-term relationship.
Because when you sleep with someone for awhile, you sort of go into auto pilot mode. You know your partner's body so well, you can sort of drift off and think about that disturbing episode of "Black Mirror" you watched the other night as you're having sex. You can go through your grocery list in your head when you're going down on her. The thrill of sex dies.
And the only way to keep the sexuality gorgeously alive is to role-play, baby.
The only way to keep the sexuality gorgeously alive is to role-play, baby.
I'm all about indulging in the naughty art of role-play with a longterm partner. I'll sing my love of role-play from the high heavens of lesbian sexdom. It's a relationship saver.
Because when I'm dressed like a teacher, in that moment, I'm not boring, old Zara. I'm not Zara the brunette who likes it when you bite my bottom lip. I'm temporarily someone entirely different.
I'm a stranger with a different job, a different demeanor, a different outfit, and you don't know what the hell this stranger likes, sexually. I don't know what I like when I'm in my teacher costume because a whole new side of me is being triggered.
So you better be nervous about satisfying me. Your old tricks won't work. You need to be nervous, especially if you're my STUDENT because you want to impress me, don't you? Otherwise there could be punishment... but maybe you want punishment, baby. I don't know.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
The most incredible, underused tool human beings are blessed with is their imagination. It's boundless. And imagination needs to be incorporated into your sex life if you plan on maintaining a thrilling sex life in your relationship.
I don't care how hot your partner is. Yes, they'll always turn you on. Yes, you'll always find them pretty, but eventually, getting them off won't be a challenge anymore. You'll become too acquainted with what exactly makes them tick. You'll know how to make them cum, and your efforts will subside.
But if you indulge in those deeply tucked away fantasies you have stored in the back of your brain and dare to act them out IRL, it will add a whole level of newness to your sex life.
Indulging in those deeply tucked away fantasies will add a whole level of newness to your sex life.
If you're pretending to be the poor, vulnerable patient and I'm pretending to be your slutty nurse practitioner, not only are we two total strangers, but we're also in a provocative, ~scandalous~ scenario. And provocative, forbidden scenarios are a little bit scary and a little bit frowned upon, which makes them totally hot.
I'm getting excited just thinking about it, kittens!
The best part about role-play is, you're not with a stranger. You don't have to worry about betraying your partner, STDs or the person you're sexing being a psycho serial killer who is going cut you into ten thousand little pieces.
Nah. It's the person you love, adore and TRUST with every fiber of your being, but it's them reimagined.
It's them out of context with a different job, a different aesthetic, in a different situation than the two of you would normally be in in your mundane lives.
It deepens your relationship because it adds a different dimension to your sex life. It takes your sex life and shakes it up. And because you trust your partner, you can really experiment with them.
So, I want you to write down all of your most scandalous sexual fantasies and share them with your partner. It will increase your communication skills. Bond you for life. Then, role-play them.
It will make your relationship stronger because it shows that you're actively fighting to keep the electric spark alive. And a natural, new spark is wonderful, but it's fleeting.
But a flame that is sustained and cared for throughout time will keep you satisfied forever, babes.
*Name has been changed.