Relationships: The Good, The Bad, And The F*cking Ugly
F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” Simply put, relationships come in many different forms, and you will never have the same love with one partner as you have with the next. Take a second to think back on your past relationships.
Were you head-over-heels in love? Did your partner feel the same way about you? Was the trust, honesty and every other desirable element present to keep the relationship going? Have you experienced a relationship that was complete sh*t? Today, we’re talking about relationships: the good, the bad, and the f*cking ugly.
Ah, good relationships. It seems as if these are far and few between. The good relationships are the ones that – simply put – make you happy and keep you happy. There is no rollercoaster of emotions with this partner. You feel grounded and safe in the foundation that you’ve built to get where you are, and there is no questioning your fidelity to one another.
Brothers and sisters, if this describes a relationship you are in – good for you! Take your lover by the hands, let them know you care and don’t f*ck it up! For some, the good relationships have a different definition. Ever been in a relationship where you’re the one who is loved more? You find yourself feeling less attached to your partner and craving some independence.
Your thoughts might sway from total infatuation to indifference. Why do we stay if we’re not totally captivated? These relationships benefit us not only because the comfort is there, but also because being loved more is less stressful when you have confidence in your partner. You could probably bet on your partner’s fidelity and love for you.
Being loved more doesn’t necessarily mean that you are completely turned off by your partner. Maybe it just means that you reap a little bit more benefit by being less emotionally attached. Is this a good relationship, though? What about the other partner – the one who loves more? If the differentiation between who is loved more isn't clearly defined, then does either partner really notice? In my opinion, being loved a little more, or loving a little more is of the inevitable.
The bad relationships are most often marked by infidelity. Whether it’s in our human nature to avoid monogamy, or it’s just an accepted norm that has quietly crept into our f*cked up society, people can’t seem to stay happy with one partner for very long. Did you know that psychologists have actually determined two types of infidelity? Cheating can often be differentiated between emotional or sexual infidelity.
More often than not, men tend to care more about sexual infidelity, while women are more concerned with the emotional aspect. Men search for answers about the sex: How many times did it happen? Did you have an orgasm? How long did it last? Women want to know if her partner developed feelings during the affair. Whether it is emotional or sexual infidelity, cheating results in a mass of unwanted emotions and takes a huge toll on what might have once been a blooming relationship.
Jealousy, fear, curiosity, anger and sadness are only a handful of the emotions that arise when a relationship falls victim to cheating. So, again we wonder, why do we stay in these relationships? After an episode of infidelity, many people have no hesitation in leaving. You, cheater, you’ve made your bed and you’ll have to lie in it.
Others, however, fall into the emotional turmoil and desire their partner’s attention and comfort more than ever – if it’s there for the taking. In some cases, the kinks can be worked out and the relationship can be mended overtime. The others, though, are headed down a path marked by infidelity and unhappiness. Once a cheater; always a cheater. We hear it all the time, but do we choose to believe it, or ignore it?
The F*cking Ugly
If you’ve ever been in a f*cking ugly relationship, hopefully you’re not in it anymore. These relationships come in many forms: dysfunctional, abusive, addictive, etc. Dysfunctional relationships involve frequent arguing, which often ends in withdrawal by one partner, or both. Dysfunctional relationships are more than likely molded by one partner that constantly degrades, blames, demands, mocks and insults the other partner during heated arguments.
Abusive relationships can stem from dysfunctional relationships in the form of verbal and emotional abuse, and they can even lead to physical harm. If you’ve been involved in such relationships, you know the toll that they take. The emotional ups and downs, the declining self-esteem and the inability to move forward in one or more areas of your life are only a few consequences of these f*cking ugly relationships. So, why the hell do we stay? The reasons for staying in such torturous relationships are only understood by those involved.
To outsiders, it can be the most frustrating thing to see friends fall victim to such f*cking ugly relationships. For the victims, staying in a relationship like this can be explained by psychological distress and concern for what the partner might do if you leave, superficial attachment in one or more areas of life such as financial dependence, beliefs about love and beliefs in the relationship improving, or even unconscious feelings that are so deep-rooted and originated as far back as childhood.
No matter what the reason, f*cking ugly relationships should never – I repeat, never - be endured. Involvement in these relationships holds the victim back from expression of their true self and expression of true love to someone who loves them back without reservation. To all the victims of f*cking ugly relationships out there, pick your head up, dig deep down to pull out your confidence, kick your partner to the curb, and do you!
Sure F. Scott, there are all types of love in this world, but what types of love do we choose to accept? In the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Chboksy writes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Personally, I disagree, sir. We will encounter many different relationships in our lifetime, all of which will change the people we are in one way or another.
We cannot choose who we fall in love with, nor can we change the people we fall in love with when things go wrong. We can, however, be happy with whom we are as individuals and stay firm in what we want in life and what we believe to be love. People will continue to surprise you with each passing day, but if you continue to stay true to you, everything little thing is gonna be alright. Cue Bob Marley.
If you, or someone you know, has fallen victim to an abusive relationship, it’s important to seek help. For more information, go to safehorizon.org, or call at 1-800-621-4673.
Kendall Wood | Elite.