Are The People Who Prefer Casual Sex To Relationships Just Being Immature?

by Charlie Sutcliffe

A slutty boy is like a child in a sweet shop but instead of sweets, the shop is full of women. When we’re kids, we’re taught that being careless and impulsive with people is silly and that we should stop. As young children, we’d be forgiven for spontaneously hitting a friend over the head. It’s a mere sign of an underdeveloped brain giving in to irrational thought. It shows a lack of empathy and a lack of recognition of possible consequences. But it didn’t matter — we’d be laughing and playing Legos with the friend minutes later.

Back then, we had neither responsibilities nor the level of intelligence to even comprehend what we wanted. We were unwilling and incapable of committing to anything, from finishing an ice cream cone, to sleeping over at a friend’s house. During many a sleepover, I would pretend to be sick so I could go home from a friend’s house in the middle of the night; I longed for the comfort of my own bed, but once home, I lamented the reality that I’d left my friend.

So, are men, who go around having sex with anything that moves and who haven’t taken a girl out on a date in four years, just immature? They’ll tell you they just don’t want to commit to anything because there are too many women who are interested in them — these guys are usually about as modest as peacocks. There are girls I know who have spoken similar sentiments, but for some reason, when a guy says he doesn’t want a girlfriend, yet continues to play games and hurt people, he’s perceived as desirable and a heartbreaker.

When a girl says that she prefers sleeping around to dating, she’s either lying or emotionally damaged. In my mind, it doesn’t matter which gender you are — it’s unnatural to be willing to give your body to any breathing thing, and to prioritize that over an emotional connection with someone.

I’ve been through enough so-called “heartbreakers” and have known enough “liberated women” to learn a few things. There are three categories of relationship types a person may want: The first is a person who will not sleep with anyone unless there is an emotional connection. This is partially because of how a person may feel about casual sex, and partially because the person perceives others will see the relationship negatively.

The second type of person is someone who is open to sex with strangers to whom he or she is attracted, but is also willing to enter a relationship when it feels right. This person doesn’t hesitate to go on dates to get to know someone better. It’s the happy medium of relationship types.

Lastly, there are the people who only want casual sex. They’ll avoid going on dates, will not make any effort to get to know someone and will ensure they put a guy or girl straight as soon as they meet them by telling them “I’m not interested in commitment, just so you know.” Once, a guy said this to me the night we met. We’d hardly gotten to second base (or had a real conversation) and he was already putting me straight with who he is. I’ve come to the conclusion that he was really setting himself straight by rejecting a connection before he'd had a chance to feel it.

This type of person has always confused me. We’re told to believe that love is everywhere and everything, right? It’s the be all and end all. It starts wars. It breeds poetry and songs. We are all presumed to desire it, but only a fool could believe it possible to happen overnight. According to social psychology, the four main components for potential love are attractiveness, proximity, similarity and reciprocity.

Therefore, even though attraction and liking are involuntary, love is a choice. Getting close to someone is a choice and getting involved with someone whilst telling yourself you only want one thing out of it allows you to believe you only want one thing from it. But, why would someone not desire to be in love? Why would someone seek instantaneous gratification over connection and companionship?

My theory is that the mature taste of quality, connection and meaning is acquired. It happens when we grow up and realize what’s important. There is nothing that needs to be acquired when it comes to quantity, fickleness and flippant variety — in love or in anything else. It's easy to go through life selfishly, taking what you can from lovers, then childishly running away.

Have you ever met a kid who loves caviar? Probably not. It’s acquired and it requires commitment. A strong, committed relationship is like buying a trip to Italy. Commitment to casual sex is like buying 10-day trips. Italy requires patience, commitment and an open mind. Day trips are easy and require about as much responsibility as popping on a condom. The rewards aren’t so great and the sights aren’t so amazing in comparison.

Usually, you are what you do and you get what you seek. So, to seek immediate gratification from a quick mix of bodily fluids is fun but it’ll likely leave you feeling shallow and empty in the long run. Someone who does so on a regular basis and refuses to get to know people on a deeper level makes a choice to do so. Many of the guys and girls who do that have told me that they’re open to relationships, but that they just haven’t yet met the right person.

However, I haven’t seen these people go on one date, and when they find someone they like, they find some reason not to know him or her because they prefer to satisfy themselves effortlessly. This really comes down to immaturity, because honestly, it’s only an immature mind that prefers 10 crappy books to one priceless novel, or three boxes of M&M’S to a box of Ferrero Rocher.

Photo via We Heart It