Different people have different definitions of love. The emotions, feelings, and physical responses that one feels when experiencing love change from person to person.
Not only is the love that you experience for one person different than the kind of love that you experience for another person, the way that you are experiencing love right now will differ from the way you experience love several years from now- even if the recipient of your affection remains the same (which can only be justified in theory seeing as how no person is the same from minute to minute, so the idea of a person remaining the same over several years is ludicrous).
So define the experience of love how you will; it is your own personal experience and your own way of loving. Now, no matter how you define love, the question arises of who is worth receiving your love- and is loving more than one person permissible or even possible.
For purpose of simplification, let us focus mainly on romantic love exclusively. It of course can be argued that people are capable of loving more than one person, obviously.
A mother can love her husband, her children, her own parents, and her friends. But can you romantically love two women, or two men, simultaneously? Some people will argue no and others will argue strongly that it is most definitely possible to be in love, or to romantically love, more than one person.
While I believe that each person’s abilities differ from person to person, generally speaking I do believe that it is possible for you to love one person while being in love with another. More so, I feel that by defining love the way that we do, restricting the number of recipients of our love is contrary to the nature, or essence, of love.
In other words, monogamy is love’s worst friends. Try to consider or imagine love in its purest form. While the emotions we experience when in love to us are what most prevalently define love, love in its purest form must go deeper than the shallow level of physical sensations that we feel.
Just about everyone will argue that love, while creating physical changes in us, does most of its damage in our minds- that is where love brands itself. Love is more than simply wanting to be with a person or craving them bodily.
Love is the way that we experience a person, the way that our cognitive senses create a version of that person that others are not able to access themselves. Loving someone, assuming that the love is not based on lies and deception, allows you to see the person more truly- it allows you to form a bond or connection with that person that is unique and revealing.
When in love you see the world differently. While some people will argue that while in love you see the world through a clouded, shaded lens that morphs even the ugliest of things into poetry, I will argue that while in love you see the world as it is meant to be seen. I am a very strong believer that the world that exists for you is the world that you yourself create.
There is no one reality, but a multitude of realities all tweaked to each person’s cognitive view of the world. That said, the world is whatever you make it to be. If you fill your world with evils then you will have a world where everyone is working against you. If you fill your world with love and happiness then you will find yourself looking at a world that is beautiful in every possible way.
The reason that the world seen through a lover’s eyes is the most grand is because the emotions that the lover feels when in love are the strongest and purest emotions known to man.
I for one cannot come up with better eyes to be looking through than a lover’s. Even the worst and ugliest of situations lose their deformity when one is in love. Experiencing the world as a lover is by far the best version of reality accessible to human beings.
This being so, is it right to restrict ourselves with who we allow ourselves to love? Is it right for us to deny ourselves the love of another only because we already love someone else?
I am not sure how it happened, but monogamy somehow has become closely tied into the concept of love- at least in our culture- and while many believe that true love cannot exist without monogamy, it seems to me that monogamy only restricts our happiness and restricts the beauty that we create when we are in love.
Sure, sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing- this may be true for love. But the truthfulness of this statement depends on the person in question. Some people are most definitely only capable of being in love with one person; this is not due to the nature of love itself, but rather to the capabilities that one has to love.
While one person may not be capable of loving more than one person, another may be capable of being in love with a handful of people. It all depends on a person’s mentality and way of experiencing love. Now, if one is capable of loving more than one person, why ought he to restrict himself.
What is it about love that makes it grand when focused solely on one individual, yet makes it hideous when spread among several? Nothing. It is only the rules of social conduct created by our conservative ancestors that mark polygamy as wrong.
How could love, assuming that it is being experienced in its purest and truest form, be the most beautiful thing in the world when it is monogamous, but awful and disgusting when felt for more than one individual? How can it be that making love, which many will argue to be the true manifestation of love in the physical world, be considered magical when done monogamously, but frowned upon when done polygamously?
There is nothing innate in love that sets a monogamous standard- it is a belief that was created back in the olden days, an idea that ought to be thrown out if the human race is ever to reach a higher state of euphoria. That’s right, you should be a whore! Well, not really.
Fucking anything that can stand on two legs is just about as far from love as you can get. But if you are in love, there is no reason why you need to restrict your loving to that one person exclusively- at least no reason that resides in the definition of love itself.
Unfortunately, the way that our culture has been construed, and the way that our egos have the tendency to take charge whenever we feel that our worth is not being realized, we are forced to love monogamously. If your neighbors were to find out that you were in two relationships during the same period of time, you would be looked at as a player or a slut by those in your community.
If you were making love to one woman in the morning and then openly going to make love to another before your afternoon coffee, then chances are that either one of your lovers, or more likely both, would have their egos hurt, and you would be forced to choose between the two.
Because we are hurt when the person that we love loves us along with another, because we all want to be loved solely by the individual we love, because we want to be loved monogamously, we all feel restricted to loving monogamously ourselves.
Would it be better for us to love many? Would the world that we create be more beautiful if we were able to love several people intensely and freely? Yes, most definitely. Is it possible? Possibly, but not likely.
Because our egos are bruised when we find out that the person that we love loves another equally, we will always remain monogamous- out of courtesy. Because of this courtesy we will remain monogamous and live in a world with restricted love and therefore restricted beauty. Polygamy is a beautiful impossibility. Monogamy is a half-truth reality.
Paul Hudson | Elite.