Dating and having relationships is an important part of the human experience. Most of you will agree that finding that one person that is just right for you, that treats you the way that you want to be treated and talks to you the way you want to be talked to, is one of the most — if not the most — important goals in life. There are so many beautiful people on this planet.
A good amount of them can be found living in relatively close proximity to us. I do not doubt that in your neighborhood alone you will find at least a handle of attractive people of whatever your sexual preference.
Even if you lived in West Bumblef*ck, I am sure there is at least one person in your town or village that you wouldn’t mind boning. Yet, there is a high probability that at one point or another in our lives, we will find ourselves in what we like to a call a long-distance relationship. My question is: Why?
Unless you grew up on watching foreign romance films, I don’t see any way that a girl living in America could actually want to marry a Frenchman. We usually are okay with getting our pickings from nearby — say, in the same country.
Nevertheless, people come to visit from abroad and you occasionally meet them. I myself had a short fling last summer with a foreigner and I will be honest, I plan on visiting her in Paris some time soon — but I’m going there to get some good, wine-fueled, European loving, not to begin a relationship. And that’s how it should be: bag the foreigners and date local.
This is why I love NYC…dating the locals usual means dating foreigners. What can I say? I like them exotic, imported. But I have had several friends in the past in long-distance relationships. And no, none of them are still together. In fact, I have one friend that is about to begin a long-distance relationship with a guy from Belgium. Idiots. Why would anyone think that a long-distance relationship is a good idea?
I mean, I get the initial appeal — all romantic seeming and what not. I get the want of having to long for a person, to miss them; it intensifies the feelings that you have for that person. The less you physically see a person, the more you begin to deposit your own projection of who you believe them to be onto their being rather than seeing them as they really are.
There is something that gets lost when the human interaction that you have with a person is mainly via tech gadget. For starters, body language is extremely important. Secondly, it’s hard to have sex over an Ethernet cable — Skype just doesn’t quite hit the spot.
Not having sex for extended periods of time can’t be good for your health. Actually, I’m sure it won’t kill you, but why date someone that you can only sleep with a handful of times in a year when you can date someone that lives closer by and will rock your world several times a week? That’s a ton of orgasmic difference.
If you can see your lover at least once a week, then I can still understand keeping them around. When going into a relationship, we must go into it with a purpose. Ask yourself not only why you are dating this person, but why you are dating at all. What do you want out of the relationship? Where do you ultimately want things to go? It’s okay to say that you just want to see where things will go, but only if the person lives on the same continent.
Seeing where things will go with a person that lives in the same city is one thing; seeing where things will go with a person that lives a plane flight away is a whole other. A relationship’s development over a distance is sluggish if not entirely stagnant.
If you are seriously dating someone because you want to spend time with them…then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice. If you are dating because you want sex... then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice.
If you are dating because you want to find the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with…then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice; sooner or later you will need to see each other weekly in order for anything serious to develop. However, if you are in a long-distance relationship with someone because you love them, then I’m sorry my friend; you are screwed.
The one and only excuse that I will accept for being in a long-distance relationship is being in love. When you fall for someone, the choice of whether or not you ought to be dating someone essentially evaporates. If you love a person, then not being able to at the very least talk to them regularly will be more painful than the possibility of a breakup.
The good news — or bad news, depending on how you look at it — you won’t be capable of staying away from each other for very long. Slowly but surely the urge to be with each other will be unbearable and you will have no choice but to live in the same city.
This, again, has its own dangers. Often at times, the love that we feel during a long-distance relationship fades shortly after the happy couple begins to spend more time together. It’s easy to over-romanticize things when a long distance separates you.
It’s much more difficult to keep the flame burning when you see each other everyday. To sum up: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible. You will be much happier dating someone you can actually spend quality time with regularly and not only over quick, short spurts. If you are head-over-heels for that person living in Bulgaria, then…best of luck.
Paul Hudson | Elite.
For more from Paul, follow him on Twitter @MrPaulHudson