We are a generation in love with pain. Or as Drake said, “We’re a generation of not being in love.” We obsess over depressing love songs and indie romance movies with sad endings. When we have serious struggles in a relationship, we often interpret them as signs that our relationship is meaningful. We all know couples that constantly fight and break up, but ultimately, cannot stay away from each other. One way or another, they always end up back together. Why do we allow ourselves to equate love with pain?
From a young age, we’ve been taught that pain often results in love. When we were crying as children, someone would always pick us up. If we were throwing a tantrum, someone would come hold us to stop us from screaming. We made cognitive links between sadness and lovingness. Then came movies like “The Notebook” that showed us that a relationship full of struggles may just reflect the existence of a great love story.
And commonly, when we find relationships, drama abounds and we become addicted. It is almost as if we cannot let ourselves be truly happy in relationships anymore. But, this is not how love is supposed to ensue! Everyone deserves a relationship in which they are fulfilled. So, how does one escape a dramatic relationship?
Start Loving Yourself More
Take out a pen and paper and write down everything you can offer to the world. Journal what you appreciate about yourself and the things you want to accomplish in your life. Recognize that the amount of time and effort you spend on the drama in your relationship is holding you back. Realize your worth and that you deserve love that will help you grow into the best person you can be.
Think About What Is Really Keeping You There
Sure, you probably really care about the person you’re dating. There is a chance he or she has been a huge part of your life for so long that separating seems impossible. At the same time, you have to recognize that there are some qualities about this person that you can’t stand. Maybe what is really keeping you in the relationship is the addiction you have to the drama.
The dramatic qualities are exciting and provide you with an element of uncertainty that humans crave. But is it really worth this to bar yourself from reaching a consistent level of happiness?
Recognize That Things Won’t Get Better
This is the hard part. Oftentimes, we hold on because we believe things can improve. Every couple goes through difficult periods, but these trying times shouldn't encompass the majority of your relationship. If you have been together for years, repeatedly going through the same cycle, you need to give yourself a reality check. The issues you have may never resolve.
Sure, you and your significant other may still love each other, but you’re most likely bad for each other. Neither of you are willing to compromise and adjust — and neither of you should have to do so! The person with whom you are really meant to share your life is someone who you will not want to change and who will be able to appreciate the good and bad qualities in you, as well.
Distract Yourself In A Constructive Way
Oftentimes, when someone finally becomes free from a dramatic relationship, he or she immediately enters another relationship. “If I could fall for someone else, I could forget about ‘guy.'” After realizing my pattern of destructive rebounding, I found things to do that helped me grow. Focusing on healthier relationships, such as those with family and friends, is another excellent way to distract yourself from your unhealthy relationship.
Make sure you only seek advice from people who will tell you the truth, rather than just tell you what you want to hear. Keep in mind everything you can accomplish once you are out of the unhealthy relationship; concentrate on the fact that you do deserve happiness and a healthy, loving relationship without all the drama.