It Is What It Is: Don't Look For Meaning In Meaningless Sex

by Lauren F.

Everyone wants his or her first time to be meaningful. Whether it is with someone you know you’ll be able to trust like a good friend, or a long-time love, it should be special. If that one first time is enjoyable and doesn’t scar you for life, you start to want it more. You soon start wanting to have sex five times a day, in all kinds of crazy places. Countertops, washing machines, closets, pool tables, you name it, you can get laid on it.

We have all been through that slutty phase when it seems like we just can’t get enough. For me, this phase occurred during my freshman year in college. It was a wild time in my life, but hey, I know I wasn’t the only one who went through this, so don’t judge. Once we embrace the fact that it feels good and is a normal, important part of life, we begin to feel empowered and gain the ability to have mind-blowing orgasms.

Most people have a very negative view of the word “slut” and want to avoid being labeled this at all costs. As we get older and the amount of people we have slept with grows, many times the emotional disconnect between our partners and ourselves grows as well.  By the time we are in our early to mid twenties, most of us have had at least a few partners and wonder if we have become the “sluts” that we were always warned about.

Sex is one of the most powerful human acts. It can feel beautiful and real, while other times it can feel forced, misguided and disappointing.

When sex is bad, it's really bad. It's hard to understand why we try to guard our emotions and force ourselves not to get attached after sleeping with someone. Attachment is a natural part of life. The feelings that start to build up after sex encourage us to believe that there is potential for a long-term relationship to develop that might not actually be there. While humans try to mentally and emotionally detach themselves from their sexual partners, it is close to being biologically impossible to completely disregard any emotional connection that may be developed during sex.

The whole concept of having sex just for the fun of it is a way more tiring process than it is made out to be. After it’s been done, we constantly try to analyze our partners every move. We try to rationalize why that person never called us back. Was it that bad? Why am I the one waiting on the call? Something that was supposed to be fun and carefree leaves us struggling with confusion and unanswered questions.

Anyone who has ever dealt with this post sex stress needs to realize that this drama occurs because our partners are not satisfying our emotional needs. We have grown so accustomed to having a relationship grow deeper right after having sex or, at least that’s what we hope may happen, that we forget to focus more on the emotional component of sex rather than the physical. Sex is easy.

Anyone can take off their clothes and do it, but it takes a lot of courage to let them see you for who you really are. I believe that it is important to connect with someone before having sex. We shouldn't have sex for fun and then hope something will come out of it. Try doing this and you will soon realize that if you wait for the right person to turn you on both physically and mentally, the sex will be worth the wait.

As opposed to my sexual experimental phase during my freshman year, I now view sex completely differently through my more mature, college senior eyes. Having sex is now the last thing on my mind. I have even been through a seven-month strike of not having sex. This was not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't feel any desire to have sex with someone whom I didn’t have an intimate emotional connection with.

Once you wait for the right person, someone who is able to fulfill your emotional needs, and not just physical needs, then the post-sex emotional void you had felt in the past will not return to haunt you. The coveted sense of love and attachment will finally exist, and it will mean so much more than just hooking up with that guy you brought home from that party. After securing emotional intimacy with your partner, the sex will likely be way hotter and you will actually get turned on.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have any fun playing the field and constantly be on the lookout for your future spouse, but just realize that after those late night booty calls you will just go home feeling more alone than you ever had before. Remember, good things come to those who wait.

Top photo courtesy of Tumblr