How To Spare Yourself Some Heartache After Both A Sober And Drunken Hookup

by Kerri Schreiber

We often hear about the drunken hookups and night escapades that turn into nothing more than one-night stands. Going into it, we pretty much accept that those situations are never going to turn into a happily ever after scenario, but what about sober hookups?

Being sober and hanging out with someone means that you A) don’t need to wear beer goggles in order to look at him or her in the face and B) obviously like that person enough to spend some time with him or her.

For some of us, hooking up sober may be totally uncharted territory. So how do we sort through all of the bullsh*t and actually figure out if something is real?

In the age where we don't date but instead, “talk” to someone, the whole idea of chivalry and going steady has seemed to fall right out the window. Just because we have been texting someone for months and have been hanging out with him or her on multiple occasions, doesn't mean we can call it dating.

All of this uncertainty is bound to eventually make us crazy and wonder, am I allowed to hook up with other people? Is he allowed to hook up with other people? What are we even doing?

You would think that hooking up sober would actually carry some meaning, but that's not always the case. As a generation, we need to change this selfish mindset and realize that being a good person is still something that should be cherished and offered in any type of relationship.

Both guys and girls are guilty of this so, men, I’m not just calling you out. Coming from a girl who has been in this situation multiple times, I’ve learned that we all need to go by the golden rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated. Don’t play with someone's mind just because you have the power to do so.

It's one thing if it's understood that your fling is nothing more than friends with benefits, but when you reach the point where sober cuddling doesn't make you squeamish, some kind of relationship line needs to be drawn. After a few weeks of hanging out, take the time to establish what you both may eventually want out of the situation.

Remember, if the other person says he or she isn't looking for something serious, listen the first time.

If a drunken hookup is all you're looking for, that's completely fine. If you want to hang out with a girl or guy sober and have no strings attached, that's fine, too. Just ensure that the two of you are on the same page.

I’ve learned that there are a lot of sh*tty people in this world, and there are a lot of people who know how to play "the game." My advice for all of us who have been victims of this sober love crime is this: Go with your gut feeling. If something doesn’t seem right, it isn’t.

Communicate an end goal and make sure the other person knows what you actually want from him or her. Be forward and upfront in pursuing that goal, so if it isn’t attainable, at least you’ll know from the start and can hopefully spare yourself some heartache.

Most importantly, maintain a high level of respect for yourself. If someone has a hard time being honest with you up front, he or she probably isn't worth the effort. All you need to do is finish the chapter, never re-read the same story and understand that you can always pick up the pen and keep writing.

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