Sex. The word alone emits passion, intimacy, romanticism and an overpowering sensation. But mostly, it’s full of just plain ‘ole awkwardness.
It has occurred to me that although sex is one of the most natural acts of the human species — or any species really — the aftermath doesn't seem very natural. At all. If you're in a serious relationship, we get it; you bang for 10 minutes (if that) and go straight to sleep afterward. You don't fall in this category.
I'm advocating for the lonely-souled individuals trying to find that happy medium with someone they're either casually dating or seeing (and thrusting). Some necessary points:
1. The No Call Or Text Situation
Not communicating afterward, even if just as friends (who happened to bang), makes sh*t unbearably awkward. As a result, one of the two of you is likely to feel like a bad bang, which leads to self-doubt and it inevitably becomes too much of a hassle to handle and the relationship ends.
Set yourself a reminder if you must to just shoot your bang-pal a text. It doesn’t matter what you say, an icebreaker or any sort is fine. But don't say something like "So, that was amazing. Let's do it again soon" because you'll sound like a total amateur and will give the other person way too much credit, which will likely make the next time dreadful. And once you do communicate don't psycho-analyze every subsequent gesture like "did she say hey instead of hi, because you know that means she's a lesbian right?" or "I texted him 3 hours ago, and still no response. I knew I should have gone down on him."
You don't have to communicate right after sex, but sometime shortly after is best, like two days max. Things shall progress as they will.
2. The Cuddle
Guys, we ladies know that we have our own issues — some of us require tons of attention and validation. Don’t make things harder on yourselves or us. Just spoon or lie there (like a corpse, if you need to) with us for a few minutes after sex and you're more likely to secure a subsequent bang. Even if cuddling after sex isn’t your style, it makes women feel a little less used and more desired.
3. The "Emotional Drag"
Sex doesn't necessarily mean you both will fall in love, get married, have children and die in each others arms in a retirement facility. Sex is sometimes just that, sex.
Don’t get me wrong, if you're anything like me, there must be some amount of feeling and intellectual luring for me to even lay my lips on you, let alone bang. But it doesn't mean that if we do end up banging, you have any jurisdiction or say over me, as I don't over you.
If you have a serious conversation with your partner about taking things to the next level, you will then have some say regarding one another’s lives. Up until that moment though, if your partner isn't your significant other, he or she owes you nothing — not an immediate text response, an explanation about where he or she is, soup when you're sick — n o t h i n g. Now, that doesn't mean it’s okay to treat each other poorly — especially if you are friends first and foremost (as in above being friends with benefits).
Friendship and romance aren't so different if you think about it. They're both variations of the desire to be close. But, it’s important to still uphold emotional stability and acknowledge that sex isn't always a gateway to love.
Photo via We Heart it