How To Increase Your Sex Drive To Match Your Boyfriend's
I'm going to speak strictly in stereotypes for a moment: men = sex fiends who think about doing it once every 30 seconds, while women = sex lovers who don't necessarily want it as often. In movies, books, and poems about long-term love written by men, there's always a moment of "uh oh, I'm bored/dissatisfied/left wanting more due to [insert female partner here]'s inability to satisfy my sexual needs." (Ugh, the patriarchy.)
While every couple is different, it's not uncommon for you to wonder how to increase your sex drive to match your boyfriend's.
In healthy relationships, this dynamic can be a bit more subtle. You want your partner to be happy, and of course you want to meet his needs, but you aren't always going to be on the same page when it comes to forking. If he wants to have sex more often than you do, there are some steps you can take to increase your (very powerful) female sex drive.
Elite Daily spoke to clinical psychologist Dr. Dawn Michael about different ways to increase your sex drive to match your man's — and your own — pleasure needs.
1. Do It More Often
If you are having trouble "getting it up" to get down with your boyfriend, then simply do it more often. You might just be in a bit of a personal rut.
Think about when you were single: The longer you went without sex, the more you got used to not having sex regularly, and it was easier to not do it on the reg. "The more you do it, the more you want it," says Dr. Michael. "This is so true and important for women who don't masturbate between having sex with their boyfriend."
Yes, even regular masturbation will increase your desire for the real deal with your man. "Most men masturbate in between sex and many women do not," says Dr. Michael. And men are usually the ones looking to get laid more often.
Getting after more won't lead to you not wanting to have sex with your partner — there's no cap on how many orgasms you can have.
2. Get Intimate With Yourself
To further the campaign for masturbation as a great way to increase your sex drive, here's another thought: If you pleasure yourself with the same frequency that your boyfriend does, you're more likely to get on the same sex schedule.
"Try to get on the same sexual pattern as your partner," explains Dr. Michael. "Maybe he is masturbating too much in between or maybe she is not masturbating enough. It is a balance between sex and masturbation, and this is where people get mismatched sex drives."
Hear that? Touching yourself is a good thing. It's sexy, feminist, and going to help get you pumped about sleeping with your SO next time he nudges you in bed in the middle of the night.
3. Give Yourself Time To Create Desire
True, you might want to actually finish that episode of Game of Thrones while boo wants to F on the couch. You definitely don't have to say yes to sex at all times. But you can create desire within yourself by giving yourself a little time and space. Women sometimes require more time to start their engines.
"Some women feel as though the desire has to be there in order to prompt sex or masturbation, and this is not true," says Dr. Michael. "Some women may be waiting a very long time if they always have to feel desire first."
You're not always going to be suddenly turned on. You may need some foreplay or even to spend a little time fantasizing before bed to really get in the mood. Taking time is a great way to create desire.
4. Invest In Something Sexy
A concrete way to create desire by giving yourself time and space is by buying yourself a sexy present. Dr. Michael says a woman looking to increase her sex drive can "read erotic books to keep her mind stimulated, buy herself a sexy outfit that promotes confidence and makes her feel good about herself."
Confidence is sexy AF, and spending money on your sexy self is definitely a step toward a steamier sex life.
5. Initiate It When You Want It
You may be the more sexually active partner in your relationship — you just may not know it yet. When you're in the mood, bring it up to your man. It's 2017. Women can initiate whatever they want.
"The idea that men want sex more then women or that a woman has to wait until a man initiate sex is not true," says Dr. Michael. "Once a woman can get past this idea that she can make a move and romance her man as well, then the sexual atmosphere of the relationship will change. Men want to be wanted just as women do."
Even when you are tired, how good does it feel when you get home from work and your partner can't wait to get intimate with you? Make them feel desired, too. Each person in the relationship is responsible for initiating sex.
Overall, remember that you are a sexual being, and while you don't need to say yes to your SO every time they want a romp in the sheets, you can take some concrete steps to increase your sex life and meet your partner halfway.
So buy a cute vibrator, a sexy book, an outfit that makes you feel good on your shopping list, and spend an afternoon trying them out on your own. I have a feeling that by the time your boyfriend gets home, you'll be ready to jump his bones.
Happy sex times!