4 Reasons Why Your 'Number' Couldn't Matter Less When It Comes To Sex

by Sabrina Dominique

Whomever said money makes the world go 'round must not have been getting laid. It's an important part of our lives, yet it remains somewhat of a taboo subject. We all want it, but not many of us like to talk about it.

It seems that when it comes to sex, society has unanimously decided that less is definitely more. So, why is it that we still think it's important to know how many people someone has slept with?

It's a pretty personal question and one that's often asked hesitantly, as if we're not quite sure we want the answer. The answer is often given with just as much hesitance. Depending on who's asking, we might edit the numbers.

We may brag about our conquests in the bedroom to our friends, but downplay our experience when it comes to a potential significant other.

It's an unfortunate, yet unequivocal truth: When it comes to the number of people we've slept with, the higher the number, the higher the judgment.

A coworker of mine was recently discussing her latest fling and the subject of sex was broached. The magic question had been asked: How many people have you slept with? She answered, but not truthfully. The number, she feared, would be too high for the likings of the person asking. The answers were exchanged and the subject was closed.

I imagine the above to be a pretty common scenario. We don't want to be judged for a number of sexual partners that may seem too high, so we lie. We seem to think that people might be less interested in us if they knew the truth about how many people we slept with.

One thought that doesn't seem to cross our minds is why we would want to be with anyone so judgmental about the past in the first place.

On that same note, the pressure to embellish the number exists, as well. When it comes to a discussion with friends, to avoid feeling inexperienced, we might tack a zero on to the end of our real numbers.

So, there's our dilemma. We don't want to be viewed as inexperienced or promiscuous, so we answer with a number that we think will be acceptable. Even just writing that sounds ridiculous.

Here's why your "number" should be about as relevant as the grade you received on your fifth grade math test (read: NOT RELEVANT).

It Doesn't Change A Person

People aren't defined by the amount of sex they have. Whether the number is closer to 10 or 100, the person remains the same. It is simply the idea of the person that changes. A higher number of partners might be linked to promiscuity and being "easy."

Your view of a person may change once you find out about his or her number, but it shouldn't. Just because someone slept with X number of people doesn't mean he or she can't be the person who makes you happy.

Does it really make sense to judge a person you want to have sex with for the amount of people with whom he or she previously had sex? Think about it.

It Causes Resentment

If, and more likely, when, this discussion comes up, there usually isn't a happy ending. There's bound to be some discrepancy as to what an "ideal" number really is.

One, five, 10, none? No matter the answer, there's a chance that the person you're disclosing the information to won't be happy about it.

SO, why bother creating resentment? Have a high number? Discussing it with your SO could also cause feelings of inadequacy. How does he or she measure up against the X number of people with whom you've already slept? That's what they'll probably be thinking, anyway.

The only thing that should matter is the number of people with whom you're currently sleeping. And, if you're in a relationship, that number should equal a grand total of one.

There's A Double Standard

If a man says he's slept with X women, many people wouldn't give it a second thought. But, if a woman says she's slept with the same number of men, if that number is high, chances are she'll get some flack for it.

Unfortunately, the double standard seems to be that if a man sleeps around, it's a normal, manly thing. But, if a woman does it, she's a slut.

Though this is undeniably unfair, slut-shaming is a real thing that unfortunately still happens all too often. Just remember: your body, your choices. Save yourself the effort of having to justify them.


No explanation needed.

There's a reason why the past is the past. A person's sexual history is just that: history. The notion that a man or woman whom you view as ideal would be thought of differently once you discover his or her number of sexual partners just doesn't make sense.

So, let's all stop putting so much emphasis on needing to know. If ignorance is truly bliss, then being ignorant about one tiny detail can't be that bad.

While many things are purposeful in the bedroom, trust me, math isn't one of them.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It