The Secret To Making Your First Time With A New Guy Hot AF Instead Of Awkward
No matter what you do, first time sex can always be kind of awkward.
I once got so drunk my first time having sex with a new partner (I was nervous) that I ended up completely falling out of bed and onto the floor. That is a sex position you absolutely do not want to try.
I've had guys lose their erections, and I've had condoms break. I've faked orgasms in an attempt to please a new guy I was hooking up with. (Don't do that. You don't need to fake an orgasm ever.)
I also once tried to have first-time couch sex, which I absolutely would not recommend. Hot for a make-out session, but not hot once you're actually trying to get intimate for the very first time.
I mean, is there a way to make your first time with a new guy... not bad?
I asked Dawn Michael, PhD, clinical sexologist and author of My Husband Won't Have Sex with Me, the secret to making your first time with a new guy hot instead of awkward. Here are her words of wisdom.
Why is sex awkward in the first place?
Well, Dr. Michael explains that it can come down to two factors: "not being confident and comfortable with yourself sexually and not knowing the person you're having sex with very well emotionally, physically and sexually."
She says, "Even if you think you may know someone emotionally, you still will not know them sexually or how you and them fit sexually together."
You're chartering into unknown territory, so of course it'll feel a bit scary. What positions do they like? What will they think of your vagina? Is your boob going to fall into your armpit? How is he going to feel inside of you? Is he going to compare you to other women he's also been inside of?
Sis, throw all those thoughts out the window, or you're gonna be in your head the whole time, instead of in bed with your partner.
To get past the tornado of fears and insecurities that sometimes happen during first time sex, Dr. Michael suggests, "Be realistic about the situation and [don't] make it too serious." Rather, it should be "more about having fun and letting go and exploring."
She explains that you should get the basics over with first — like protection and such — and proceed with "[moving] into the fun part."
"Ask sexy questions and make it a show and tell," she adds.
Don't come into your first time with expectations or with something to prove. Instead, just take all the weight of expectations off your shoulders and try to have some fun.
How can you do that? Explore! Get to know your partner's body. See what they like and what makes them feel good, and make sure he's doing the same for you.
Uncomfortable situations are bound to happen, though. Maybe you fall off the bed, hear a weird noise (like a queef), or your guy's d*ck gets soft. In these cases, it's best to take everything much more slowly.
"If at some point it feels awkward, then take over and slow things down. Kiss, explore, laugh, and guide their hand to where it feels good for you," Dr. Michael says.
If you ever feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, remind yourself that you're both here because you like each other and want to make each other feel good.
Dr. Michael continues that succumbing to "fear of the unknown" can make an awkward situation even worse.
Instead, she advises to focus on making the sex "fun": "Keep it fun, light, and, if needed, add in flirting, sexy talk, and lots of touch and exploration that will help to ease the nerves add in the pleasure. As always, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing or that does not bring you pleasure."
If the idea of first-time sex with a new partner still brings you a sense of dread, remember that foreplay is just as important in the bedroom and will help to relax (and excite) you both.
Whether it's rolling around naked in bed and making out, or just a little bit of oral (or a lot a bit), it will help ease you into the act.
Additionally, don't worry too much about having an orgasm, for yourself or for your partner. When it comes to first-time sex, that's a lot of pressure.
Instead, just focus on having fun and making one another feel good. Make sure you have lubricant ready if you need some, and don't be afraid to take things slowly.
Oh, and most importantly, use protection. Because the best way to avoid having an awkward first time is to avoid getting STDs or having an unwanted pregnancy. Right?