The FDA Just Approved A New IUD That Can Keep You Baby-Free For 5 Years


Ladies, darlings, babes, vixens, girls and women, I have good news for those of us sexually charged creatures who are in the throes of our ~childbearing~ years but have no intention of getting pregnant.

It was announced today that a new birth control has been FDA approved. Even better, it can keep you baby-free for up to FIVE YEARS.

Give a warm welcome to Kyleena.

It's an intrauterine device (aka IUD) that releases a low dose (19.5 milligrams, to be exact) of a progestin hormone called levonorgestrel into your uterus. This hormone stops the womb lining from thickening, which in turn, prevents pregnancy from being possible.

Like its hormonal IUD cousins Mirena and Skyla, Kyleena is small, flexible, and t-shaped, and you'll need a doctor to insert it. Such hormonal methods have generally been deemed to be super comfortable, though, and have actually been proven to be one of the most effective methods of birth control out there.

And with this one, you'll be golden for up to half a decade.

When you think about it, this is a great freedom. In this troublesome, worrisome world, who can remember to take a BC pill every day? I can't even remember to shower every day, let alone take a tiny pill smaller than the knock-off diamond studs I bought last week on clearance at Dillard's (shh, take that one to the grave).

Plus, since Kyleena slowly releases levonorgestrel into your uterus, only a very small amount of the hormone enters the blood. For a lot of women, this could potentially mean less side effects than a higher dosage of hormones.

But look, ladies: We're all made different and it's hard to gauge how your body is going to react. That's why you need to discuss any method of birth control with a professional before you draw conclusions about what is right (or wrong) for you.

In fact, while I'm here, can I just remind you all to go the gyno?

You can't neglect your precious vagina, for she will be there when everyone else is gone. Nurture her. Love her. And most of all, keep her healthy AF.

"BUT I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE, ZARA. SHUT UP ALREADY," I can feel you shouting through the static screen of the computer.

Listen, I get it. I only recently was insured myself, and I was irritated when older, wealthy women lectured me on taking care of my sexual health.

But then I started going to Planned Parenthood, an an amazing place for all young women to get their vaginas cared for, their brains sexually educated and their birth control under control.

So, book that appointment online, ask your doctor which method of baby-proofing is right for you, get your trusty prescription and you'll be good to go.

Message me if you need help finding sexual health resources by you. We'll find a spot together.