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Children's Book Teaches Kids About Sex In Creepy Way

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Listen, I'm not a parent. I'm not going to tell anyone how to do their job.

I imagine teaching children about sex is confusing, and there's probably a fine balance of being biologically accurate without encouraging them to engage in risky behaviors at too young of an age.

What information to divulge and how to do it is probably a complicated process, and all anyone can worry about is how to mess up their children the least.

Well, speaking as a non-mother and someone who feels much closer to her youth than adulthood, this creepy-ass children's book with pretty bizarre (and slightly graphic) drawings is probably NOT the way I would go about teaching my kids about sex.

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Special needs sex ed teacher Katherine Peck discovered the book in a doctor's waiting room with her two young children and told The Mirror she wasn't fully prepared for "Mummy Laid an Egg."

I mean, just look at this shit. First of all, no mummy did not lay an egg. Mummy is a mammal.

Second of all, that egg is WAY too big for that baby.

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Peck posted a bunch of the photos from the book to her Facebook page, much to the entertainment and subsequent horror of her friends.

She wrote, "I was ill prepared for the most sudden U-Turn on Page 6, where we're introduced to Daddy's friendly looking 'seed pods'!"

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SEED PODS?

Peck continued, "No holds barred on Pages 8 and 9 either, where apparently 'this fits in here...' (sounds easy enough) and then what can only be described as a child-friendly Kama Sutra guide ensues on Page 10! Aerial acrobatics, fetish clown outfits and space hoppers (fun times!)"

And then, she asked the question we were all thinking: "Do kids really need to see clown sex?"

Answer: No. No, they do not.

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Why are so many props involved?! Why must the clowns be fornicating in mid-air? What in God's name is the bird/bug thing doing?

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CLOWNS?

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Peck's photos have garnered over 36,000 shares, with many Facebook users commenting that they recognize the book from their past.

The author of the book, Babette Cole, who passed away this year, was well-versed in explaining more difficult topics in an unusual, yet digestible way.

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Peck said, more than anything, she was fascinated by the book, though it DID prompt some kind of difficult questions from her two children.

She added on Facebook, "Cue the 4 billion questions I hadn't planned answering today."

One thing I can say pretty confidently is that the baby does not come out talking, the mom is usually not smiling while it happens and it is not hatched from an egg. Seriously, I can't stress the "no egg" thing enough.

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Also, now that I think about it, aren't children usually terrified of clowns?

If so, maybe this whole book is ACTUALLY one giant attempt to scare kids away from sex forever.

Touché, creepy clown sex children's book. Touché.

Citations: This Kids' Book Explains Sex Through Clown Porn (Refinery29), Mum forced to answer awkward questions after kids find 'child-friendly Kamasutra guide' in doctor's waiting room (The Mirror)