Sex is great. "Doing it" is healthy. Whether you are in a super single, hookup monster phase or a seven-year long relationship, as long as there is consent, sex rules. Coitus is cool. Mating is magical. You get it.
While I can't seem to stop making ringing endorsements of sex — I promise this is not an #ad — when you are in a long-term relationship, things in the bedroom can de-escalate from titillating to tired very quickly. (Pun so intended.)
As with anything in life, it's very easy to get into habits when it comes to sex. Maybe you're often tired after a long day at work, so you and your SO have a missionary quickie before passing out to reruns of Arrested Development that leaves you dry.
Then there's that rare married couple who's all over each other despite ten years of marriage inspiring envy in all couples who cross their path. This couple sounds like a myth, but they are not. You can still have exciting sex in a relationship.
If you feel like you and your partner are in a sex rut, there are very tangible steps you can take to heat up things up. Here are six things couples with steamy sex lives do differently every day.
1. They Engage In Freaky Foreplay
Foreplay is the key to fornication. Making out, touching each other, and oral sex are tried and true methods of getting yourselves turned on in the bedroom, but don't be afraid to do something out of the ordinary. Couples who have great sex start the foreplay well before their partner even gets home.
"A simple text throughout the day telling the person how sexy they are [or] how much you desire them can get the brain thinking about sex,” says Dr. Dawn Michael, clinical sexologist and author of The Ultimate Intimacy Guide for Passionate People.
Sending a provocative text from somewhere public, like the subway or in line for coffee, can be a great way to change things up. No one's ever gotten mad about a nude. (Aside from dick pics.)
2. They Try New Positions
Couples with the steamiest sex lives make sure to try out different positions on the regular. If they find themselves constantly having cute, respectful eye-to-eye missionary sex, they go for reverse cowgirl.
The easiest way to break a habit is to simple do something different. Maybe surprise your partner with a new position in the moment. It might be scary at first, but the thrill will certainly get your libidos going.
3. They Make Sure To Change The Scenery
Couples who keep things fresh when it comes to love making don't only have sex in the bed in which they sleep, watch Netflix, and have probably had a cold. I don't want to tell you to break a law by doing it in public... but maybe break a law and do it in public. Or on a hotel balcony. Or just in the shower, despite how overrated it is.
Feeling more PG? It's as simple as just creating the right environment in the bedroom. “Clear you bedroom of clutter, buy some candles, find some sexy music, dress in something sexy and romance each other," suggests Dr. Michael.
4. They Role Play
In a long-term relationship, the fear when it comes to sex is that you'll get tired of being with the same person over and over, so why not become a different person? Couples who have the best sex lives indulge in fantasies and Oscar-worthy role playing.
This takes a little courage, but remember that you are in it together. You've grunted and heaved through orgasms together, so wearing a costume and bossing your boo around isn't as embarrassing as you might think.
You bought that lingerie year ago — now it's time to finally use it.
5. They Keep Things Romantic
Romantic gestures can liven up sex just as much as a kinky costume can. Couples who have busy lives and even busier sex lives keep things romantic. If they find that they have fallen into patterns that look more like "BFFs who F" versus "lovers who make love," they make sure reintroduce romance.
“Creating the space and time for desire to happen is so important," explains Dr. Michael. "Take the time to create a romantic environment with your significant other."
You can cook a beautiful meal at home, or you can just order his favorite Seamless and light a candle. Romance simply means doing selfless acts for your partner's benefit.
6. They Have Sex At All Different Times
Couples with amazing sex lives can confirm: Nighttime sex is less fun than daytime sex. The same way day drinking feels fun more fun than drinking at night because normally one wouldn't have a glass of wine at 2 p.m., couples who wake up an hour (fifteen minutes) early to get it in before work have great sex.
“If you can get in an afternoon romp, that is always a plus — hence the song 'Afternoon Delight,'” says Dr. Michael.
Again, the key here is that you are changing something up. You are doing something outside of your normal sex routine. “If you think about eating the same meal every day, it gets boring. The same goes for sex. We all need to add a little spice into our lives, and this includes sex,” explains Dr. Michael.
It seems easy, right? There's a reason you've heard a lot of these things before — it's because they work. If you are looking to make your sex life more orgasmic, start with small changes and work your way up to the cosplay. There's nothing sexier than spontaneity, and even just mentioning these ideas to your partner will turn them on.
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