Ah, I remember the first time I had sex... I was on a cruise after winning a ticket aboard from a game of cards when I met a wealthy aristocrat. I painted her while she posed nude, and we boned inside of a car.*
Wait a second. That's the plot of "Titanic," not my first time going to Bone Town, Population: me. Classic Tim!
If you're looking to see how your sex life literally dies during the course of a longterm relationship, watch the following video titled "Couples Describe the First and Last Time They Had Sex."
The first-time experiences ranged from doing the deed on the counter, toilet and floor to the inside of a truck, on a couch next to a sleeping friend and atop a mattress (also on the floor).
Same, Lil Jon. Same.
Of course, the first time is usually going to be spontaneous, so this all tracks. (*See my anecdote of my first time having sex.)
However, when these couples started talking about their last lovemaking session, it got pretty sad.
Since some of these couple have kids, they have to be "quick and quiet" or do the nasty "by appointment."
And if there's anything that turns me on, it's the idea of equating sex with the anxiety of a doctor's visit.
While most of the couples struggled to remember the last time they had sex, some mentioned they still got freaky under the sheets.
So, maybe there's a little bit of hope for us all to make love last forever.
Of course, my love didn't last forever. I lost my soulmate when our ship crashed into an iceberg...
Hold up. That's "Titanic" again, isn't?
I wonder how many of my life experiences are just James Cameron movies. I guess I'll have to ask my mom...
...Ripley from "Aliens." Mom! Don't curse like that! Classic Tim's mom.