Something I have managed to stumble upon, unfortunately a lot more than I would like, is an alarmingly increasing number of women who believe they’re too damaged from their pasts for happiness in the present.
First of all, aside from the obvious sh*t these girls have been through, it’s a drag for someone like me who’s interested in meeting a great woman and finds that it’s impossible for some girls to trust any man again.
I have spent some time interviewing a couple different girls who let it be known that their past is hindering their ability to maintain healthy relationships moving forward, or to even start one for that matter.
I received a vast array of answers from these women about the connection between their past and present relationships, but all responses ultimately circled around one common issue: a troubled dating past and its long-term effects.
Everyone goes through a different recovery process when a relationship ends. Much like grieving a death, recovering from the end of a relationship takes time and involves step-by-step improvement.
You learn lessons about love, lessons about yourself and lessons about life with each relationship you’re in. You sometimes choose to accept the things about yourself, which you are unwilling to change.
These women told me that, because of some horrible past dating experience, they’re now scared to move forward, scarred by bad romantic memories.
One woman told me she now freaks out if a relationship escalates, and she tends to run away, leaving the situation because she couldn’t handle a serious meltdown again.
To quote her, “To reach this broken point, takes years of running and being in things that aren’t 100 percent right.”
What hurts the most about that statement is her follow-up, saying that because of her past, she won’t get into relationships and must always maintain control when talking to a guy.
You can’t guarantee control. When you lose it, you lose your perceived upper hand in a relationship. The real problem there is that you are inhibiting yourself from maintaining, and flourishing, in a relationship.
I found myself asking if the guarded nature of these women inhibits their ability to date men and have fun, and surprisingly, they all answered the same way: no.
They also all admitted that their friends were the single biggest source of the pressure they feel to be in a relationship. All of the women commonly shared that they feel pressured by their friends, who are in relationships, to find someone and be part of the crew.
I found that pretty astounding. Sadly, each woman actually admitted that she is afraid of commitment and afraid of being hurt. To me, that highlights the single reason why these women won’t find true happiness in a relationship.
The problem here is that these women, and so many like them, lack the ability to be fully comfortable with a partner.
They won’t give into their feelings, release their inhibitions and immerse themselves in a relationship because of the fear of being hurt again, as they were in the past.
This is a sad reality for so many women, and probably also some men out there; it’s a rough reality.
Dating is not a race, and it’s not a competition, but at some point, it’s healthy to settle down and try to maintain a serious partner versus sleeping around. I don’t know that I fully agree with that, but it’s neither here nor there!
Look, dating is hard. I can’t even begin to describe how hard it is. If you’re out there dating you know this. My fear for these women is that their fear of being hurt again is inhibiting them from seeing the one person who could be truly special for them.
I understand their apprehension. It’s common - too common amongst women of Generation-Y between the ages of 20 and 30, unfortunately.
The only way to find happiness in a loving relationship after being burned by another is to just give it a shot. The best things come when you’re least expecting them.
Do you really want to close yourself off from finding something special? I can’t say it will be easy, and it’s very likely that, moving forward, you will get hurt again. But that’s life. Life is tough. But when saddled with the choice of sitting it out and playing it safe or just going for it, I’d take the risk of getting hurt any day of the week.
So what am I saying here? Go for it. Everything happens for a reason, so don’t close yourself off from a potential prospect because of a looming fear of being hurt.
One woman I spoke to mentioned to me that she found this amazing guy, and they get along great together, but they both recently got out of relationships and are extremely guarded.
That’s one of those situations where two people could be absolutely perfect for each other, but their own pasts are getting in the way of their future together.
I told the woman to be open and honest with the guy, which includes telling him how she feels and being clear on what she wants. She said she was going to just that, and I hope she does.
You just gotta take the leap, and go for it. Live life by the day, forgetting the past. The worst that can happen is a little bit of heartbreak and a lesson learned, which isn’t so terrible after all.
Heartache sucks, but you’ll be stronger in the long run. So, get out there, and good luck!