The best part about singledom is the freedom, while the worst part is the occasional loneliness. Both sides of the grass — singledom and couplehood — can be lusciously green, so long as the sufficient sunlight, water and nutrients are present.
Most species are biologically designed to be in pairs. Humans may be able to live independently, although deep down, most desire companionship; this pair-bound life is coded into our DNA.
Singledom is neither scary nor problematic — in fact, it presents a great opportunity to live it up. There should be no reason to hold back on living life until couplehood or to stop living life after entering couplehood. Both sides of the fence present wonderful characteristics.
The most important thing to do during singledom is learn about yourself, as the ability to be aware of our emotions is so difficult. We know when we are happy or sad, but the underlying drive of our emotions is not clear.
Looking inward can be terribly uncomfortable so many people prefer to take the easier route: to focus on someone or something else like a child or a parent or a career. When we take the time to understand and experience feelings that are uncomfortable, we become more in tune with our bodies: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Every person has emotional baggage with difference sizes and weights. As we grow older, we gain awareness of this baggage; however, the emotional baggage we carried in our early years is less often obvious. Research suggests that childhood emotional baggage usually surfaces after age 30, when it creates issues, like the ability or inability to love thyself or emotional attachment and detachment issues.
In both the conscious and subconscious, emotions are tagged to every thought. A subconscious emotion feels vague, like an unexplainable void. But, when this emotion rises to the conscious level, it becomes clearer and healing can take place. This void in the subconscious mind can be present for months with no clarity and one day, the “solution” may appear unconsciously, effectively filling the void. This “solution” usually comes from within after introspection and reflection.
Another important role to learn is how to be a great partner. Being in a relationship can bring out the best and worst in us. Once there is a deep understanding about how to love yourself and be happy, it is easier to fulfill your partner's needs. No one person can fulfill all of our needs except for ourselves. While there are heaps to learn at every stage in a relationship, the best way is to learn together and to move in a personalized relationship rhythm.
While there is no single method that will fit all scenarios, fine-tuning the strategies may bring about an authentic attribute from within. We have to BE the right partner and DO the right thing in order to HAVE the great relationship. Otherwise, even when we have something, we may not be the right person or do the right thing, and ultimately, we will lose what we had.
While we are learning about ourselves and how to be great partners, we should live it up.
While a relationship should make life even richer than it was during singledom, it should not be the crux of one’s life. In early stages of a relationship, a partner should be like the icing on the cake of life — an enhancement.
When looking back on one’s life, there should be other nurturing relationships and personal interests that occupy our time beyond our partners. Those who focus on other people more than themselves tend to feel more unfulfilled in life than those who are self-actualized and prioritize themselves.
The choice to enter couplehood should happen when the right person comes along at the right time — not in response to a biological clock ticking or a low self-esteem knocking. When both partners no longer add value to each other’s lives, it might be best to move back to singledom.
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