Lately, I've realized I’m surrounded by a lot of assh*le guys in my life, who are, quite frankly, rude pieces of sh*t. Somehow, I still find myself interested in their friendship, companionship, and potential relationships. While most of the time I can shake off this assh*lery, knowing that these guys think they’re funny and cool for what they do, other times, it gets frustrating and annoying.
Every one needs a little confirmation that the way an assh*le acts is just a front. I mean, c’mon, it’s plain ridiculous the lengths they will go to. For me, the level of douchiness was getting a bit extreme, to the point where I needed to have a discussion with myself. It went a little something like this:
"Self, why are you dealing with this? Self, YOU should be playing hard to get. Self, you don't need someone who is so mean to you in your life! Self, don't you dare text him.”
This personal pep talk resulted in me texting him, of course. Apparently, I have no self-control...and he's still an assh*le. Surprise, surprise. "Self, you're dumb." I find myself saying this often.
So what is it that attracts us weaklings to these assh*les? Could it be their dashing looks that blind us? Their cocky personalities? The car he or she drives? The food he or she buys/makes us? I’m referring to both genders here because this game of assh*lery can go either way.
The truth is something we all know inside, but it’s too hard for us to articulate and admit to ourselves. We want to be the one to break through to these assh*les, the one to change their ways. We shower them with love and cute little jokes and with a lot of, "OMG, stop being so mean to me!" We put up with all of their rude remarks and hurtful behaviors; we ignore the way they treat us as less than we are. We basically feel like fools as a result of this, but continue to strive for affirmation and admiration. Why?
It's simple. We put up with it because it's rewarding in that glorious moment, no matter how long- or short-lived, we break through to them. That moment of salvation when he or she stops being mean and just smiles and looks at us with adoration. That moment when he or she finally stops talking about their self and remembers your company beside them, asking you how your day was and how you’re feeling.
That moment when he or she shines their romantic light, reminding you that you two need to go out for a special night of dinner and drinks. Those are the moments we live for. We battle through the hurt for our love of these moments to indulge in; it's the moment we believe that he or she actually might care and the whole assh*le front really is just a joke.
How else can I explain this? It's like that one teacher you had in high school, the one who seems to pick on you and only you for no particular reason, the one who makes you answer the questions you didn't raise your hand for, the one who gives you an A- instead of the A, which was probably only .5 percent away. After feeling like you’ve been bullied and had enough, you finally ask that teacher, "What is your problem with me?"
The answer is one you never expected when the teacher tells you that he or she is just pushing you to be the best student you can be because your potential is so evident. And in that moment, you feel this rewarding sense of recognition and fulfillment, which followed by continued pressure and “bullying” behavior from the teacher the next day.
That moment is the moment you wait for, you work hard for, and once you get it, you forget about everything said prior to that moment and relish in the joy of the present.
When it comes to your assh*le partner, it’s the moment you finally feel their love again. Remember when he or she called you dumb? Remember when he or she didn't text you back all those time because he or she simply didn’t feel like it? Remember when he or she flaked on you for lunch for the umpteenth time? All is forgiven in the moment of salvation, when that sweet comment is uttered or that adoring behavior shines through.
After reading this, accepting this, and acknowledging these facts, there’s going to be an internal battle that you will have to face. Why should you be giving him or her the benefit of the doubt over and over again? People - let alone a guy or girl you're infatuated with - have no right to treat you as less than you are or less than you deserve. Why are you enduring this suffering?
At some point, it becomes a question of your self-respect, and how highly you hold yourself when it comes to your standards. Why can’t you tell this assh*le it’s over? Why can’t you walk away? Because you think he or she won't come back to you? He or she won't miss you? He or she won't feel bad for the way he or she treats you 98 percent of the time? If that's the case, ask yourself why you are holding your happiness contingent on this assh*le. You’re better off without this negative person in your life.
"He's just like that; he really cares about me actually!" She is really nice, though, and I know she's just doing it out of love." "He actually is really protective of me." "She is really hot, though..."
Making excuses for an assh*le means YOU finish last, and the assh*le finishes first. Continuing to talk to this person is like being addicted to a really bad drug: you only live for the instant gratification that lasts about ten seconds. You are only hurting yourself, and you may end up with an STD. Just kidding?
Really, though, this person is bringing nothing but negativity to your life and your emotions. Stop letting this assh*le bring you down. You deserve to finish first; he or she should be left in your dust.
Top Photo Credit: WENN