15 Ways To Keep Your Friend With Benefits As Just Your Friend With Benefits
People have accused me of sleeping around a lot. However, that isn’t true. I’m not saying I don’t have a good amount of sex… I just don’t have it with many different people.
What do you do when you want to have sex, but don’t want to be in a relationship? What do you do when you want to have sex but don’t want to increase your chances of getting an STD? Get a f*ck buddy!
F*ck buddies are sexual flings that last until their short expiration date, never more than six months and usually quite a bit less. F*ck buddies are great because they are mutually beneficial; both you and your buddy get what you need: ass. I love f*ck buddies.
If you’re not big on dating because you have difficulty finding people you click with, or if you simply don’t have the time, then finding a great f*ck buddy is key. Adhere to these rules of how to be a great f*ck buddy and make sure your partner does, too. If you both follow accordingly, then you have some great nights of debauchery ahead of you.
1. Never spend the night.
No one likes sleeping next to somebody else, unless that person means something more to you than just a body, which is not what a f*ck buddy is for.
The point of being f*ck buddies is to have sex; that’s it. Once the deed is done, get dressed and leave. No extended cuddling. No talking late into the night. Either hop back on the horse and go another round, or go home.
2. Never leave any clothes behind.
I hate finding girls' clothes on my floor. Then I feel obligated to see them again. When you have a f*ck buddy, or buddies, you don’t want to feel like you have no choice but to see them.
Meeting up with your f*ck buddy is supposed to be somewhat spontaneous. Even if you have a regular weeknight when you meet up, you still don’t want to be obligated to meet your f*ck buddy in addition to that.
You want to be able to cut things off at an instant if that’s what needs to happen -- and it always needs to happen sooner or later.
3. Don’t call; text.
Texting allows the other person to respond at their convenience, if at all. The most important aspect of being and having a f*ck buddy is wanting to f*ck your buddy.
If you don’t really want to have sex with him or her, or if he or she doesn't really want to have sex with you, then the sex will suck and there’s no point of getting together. Texting makes things less awkward and it gives both parties more freedom to do what they want to do.
4. Always shower before you get together.
Scrub thoroughly. Maybe I’m just a clean freak, but I shower before any kind of sexual encounter and expect my buddy to do the same.
The human body does not smell, feel or taste better the longer you don’t shower; we produce unpleasant scents and flavors. If you know you’re going to be having sex, which you clearly do since you are going to see your f*ck buddy, then take a bubble bath.
5. Once a week is usually perfect. Twice a week, every other week, is the max.
I’m all for setting up a weekly sex night. The day can vary, but knowing that sometime during that week you are most certainly going to have sex is calming to the mind. However, problems will arise if you see your f*ck buddy too often.
There is a very fine line between being f*ck buddies and being lovers. Lovers date; f*ck buddies have sex. Stick to the sex and only do so no more than twice a week, every other week. Anything more will turn into dating.
6. Never respond rudely to a drunk text.
You may not especially like receiving drunk texts for booty calls, but you are a booty call… so get used to it. You don’t have to hop on over whenever your f*ck buddy texts you, but don’t get upset with him or her because you agreed to be nothing more than sex partners. Emotions shouldn’t play a part.
7. Never text your f*ck buddy after 2 am, unless you both feel it’s acceptable.
Getting a late-night text from a f*ck buddy tells you two things: 1) He or she was out partying, and 2) He or she couldn’t find anyone else to sleep with, so you’re basically the last resort.
F*ck buddies are allowed to sleep with other people, but no one wants to feel like a last resort. It’s like being the last kid to get picked for a kickball team.
8. Leave your baggage at the door.
You’re not there to complain about your day, or about your ex, or about whatever else is bothering you. F*ck buddies are not the same as friends with benefits.
F*ck buddies aren’t necessarily "friends" at all. They are people who we find very attractive and who we like enough to want to have sex with on a regular basis. They shouldn’t be required to listen to your problems.
This, of course, does not mean that they won’t be open to it. Just keep in mind that this will likely turn them into friends with benefits, which is great, but also one step closer to that relationship status.
9. Establish a routine hello and goodbye.
Hellos and goodbyes are the most awkward because there is no set etiquette for this sort of relationship. It really depends on how you guys feel. I usually go for the peck on the lips -- not too intimate, but not cold, either.
It's likely you were just making out, so there should be no reason you’re shy and awkward about it to close the whole experience. Also, since those tongues were multi-purpose during the evening that you just had, French kissing may not be the best decision.
10. Always look your best.
Just because you’re going to have sex doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t put in some effort. You want to turn your buddy on. Heading over in sweats and running sneakers is not okay. You don’t have to go all out, but put in some effort. It will be rewarded.
11. Keep surprising them.
Get creative in the sack. The beauty of having a f*ck buddy is that you have no fear of doing something that may end the relationship because you don’t particularly care for the relationship; you just care for the sex. So have the best and most interesting sex you can have. Use your imagination and let loose.
12. Don’t allow your emotions to get involved.
Once your emotions get in the middle of it, it’s all over. You will not be able to look at your f*ck buddy as nothing more than a friend, which is bad. To make it worse, there is a very good chance your buddy doesn’t feel the same way and would prefer to keep the arrangement in place.
13. Never lead them on.
If your f*ck buddy tells you he or she is starting to develop feelings for you, tell the truth in return. If you feel the same, great. If not, you have to let your f*ck buddy know and you have to cut it off.
If you are not willing to date him or her, and he or she isn't able to only have sex with you, then you have no common ground to stand on and should go your separate ways.
14. Always keep a box of condoms on you "just in case."
Safe sex is the only way to go and not having protection when you need it sucks -- especially when it’s winter and freezing outside and you don’t want to walk to the corner store to grab some rubbers, so you just call it a night and head home.
15. Just f*ck.
Never make love or anything remotely sensual. F*cking is not the same as having sex, and definitely not the same as making love. If you’re f*cking, then do just that, f*ck.
Let your animal out and don’t let your mind play too much of a role. Use your animal instincts; it’s natural. Just make sure that the sex reflects your mutual lack of romantic emotion.
If you somehow have a sensual night, things are almost definitely going to get awkward and you’re going to have to sit down and talk about it. You don’t want to talk about it. You want to f*ck.
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