Can You Have Sex With Your Ex... And Feel OK?
Welcome to the Ex Games: a content series about love lost. Whether it's the realization things need to end, the act of rejection, the reality of being single, or the resurrection that is moving on, the Ex Games has every stage of a breakup covered.
And to really bring these stories to life, we've launched the Ex Games podcast, where we delve into the two sides of a break-up story with a new couple each week, and aim to end up somewhere near the truth. Because when it comes to affairs of the heart, everyone plays, but does anyone win? Let's find out.
You know you should stop, but you try and convince yourself it's not a big deal. What's the harm? Oh yeah... you're not OK.
A serious relationship changes you physiologically. It rewires the circuits in your brain to be attached, happier, relaxed, and even more turned on when you partner is around, which is why sex with an ex usually seems like a great idea.
It feels so right at the time, but all you're doing is keeping your mind and body trained and attached to your ex, which is going to hold you back from creating relationships with other people, and from gaining “closure” from your past relationship.
Let's be real though, if you're not already having sex with an ex, you're probably going to, so you should be working toward the points below. And if you don't meet the requirements below, that's OK too, but you should reconsider the emotional stress you're putting on yourself.
If you agree with the following statements, it's probably OK to go there again with your ex.
It's Only A Booty Call
You don't go over to cuddle or watch movies. Your ex is for sex. What happens when you take the "S" out of sex? It becomes ex. Meaning once you're done with sex, the person is still your ex. Get it in and get out.
This means, no sleepovers or toothbrushes in the bathroom, and you have to clean out that spot where you kept your extra clothes. The point is to avoid the routine you had when you were in a relationship.
You Get Off Physically, But It's Not The Same
The sex is still great – physically – but it doesn't feel like it did when you were in a relationship. You can't quite put your finger on it, but the sense of attachment is missing.
You Don't Think About A Future Together
You've stopped thinking there's a possibility in the future that you'll end up together. No more holiday or vacation planning.
You don't consider your ex for that wedding coming up. You may still care about the person now, but truly believe this person will not be part of your life.
You Don't Want To Go On Dates Together
You stop wanting to bring your ex as your plus one to events, and you don't mind that all you're doing is “coming over.” There's not a future with your ex, so you're also seeing other people. Real dates are meant for the other people you're dating.
You Can See Your Ex With Other People And It Doesn't Bother You
You know your ex is dating other people, and you don't start comparing that person to you, and you don't really care. You know you're a catch.
You Can Be Friends With Your Ex On Social Media
You can see a post, photo, or comment your ex made online and it doesn't bother you. Your ex has a life and so do you.
You Don't Think About Contacting Your Ex Every Day
A day, and even a week, can pass without wanting to talk or see your ex. Your ex isn't on your mind every day and isn't the first person you want to share things with.
The previous points comprise the perfect situation for having sex with an ex, but, keep in mind, it's hard to get to these points mentally and physically with an ex from a serious relationship. Especially when you still want to have sex with that person, which is usually right after the breakup.
The following points are for unique situations and don't require such an extreme detachment from your feelings for your ex.
You Want Some Time Off From Dating
This one is an extra one only because it doesn't follow all the rules. You're actually sort of sick of dating, or don't want to invest the time into it right now.
You are emotionally stable, but may still be into your ex, and you really want to have sex. For now, this is OK, as long as you truly can accept the fact that your ex does not want a relationship with you – ever.
The Sex Is Unbelievable
Seriously. Mind-blowing sex. Enjoy it for now because, as you distance yourself from each other and start to see other people, this may eventually fade.
You're Moving Soon
Your life is changing and you're getting ready to move. There's no point in starting anything new, and you'd prefer something you know and are comfortable with, so why not?
It's extremely hard for any ex to meet each and every one of the points listed, but that should tell you whether or not you should be sleeping with your ex.
Ultimately all of the points really come down to one simple question, “Do you only want sex, or do you still want your ex?”