If You Don't Like Him By The Second Date, Just Give Up

by Candice Jalili
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures

Every once in a while you go on those first dates that are either mind blowingly awesome or painstakingly horrific.

Then there are all of the first dates that fall in between: The ones that are not the worst things to have ever happened to you, but weren't necessarily anything to write home about either. They were just meh.

In those cases, do you even bother with a second date? My answer is always yes.

I'm a firm believer on going on the second date even if you're not 100 percent sold on the person after the first one.

Why? Because first dates can be awesome, but they can also be awkward and intimidating. I would hate for someone to write me off forever just because I was a nervous caricature of myself on our first date.

I'm not going to do that to anyone either. And, as a result, I've ended up going on some pretty epic second dates.

That being said, I've also ended up going on some pretty mediocre second dates.

Again, much like the first date, they weren't necessary horrific. They just weren't anything awesome, either.

Going on a mediocre second date leaves you in sort of a pickle: There's a part of you that doesn't want to give up on this person.

You just want to give it one more shot to make sure you're not completely writing them off when he wasn't really even being his real self because he was so nervous.

But you're also afraid of getting in too deep. Going on three dates with someone is definitely a little more serious than a couple of dates here and there.

Also, you've already sacrificed more hours than you would like to getting to know this mediocre person... do you really want to lose more?

I understand both sides completely because I've been there. But after extensive research/experience, I've come to a conclusion: NEVER GO ON A THIRD DATE IF YOU'RE NOT INTO HIM.

Let me explain why.

A little bit of nerves are a good thing; a lot of nerves are the worst.

There's only so much you can chalk up to "nerves." Sure, I'll give you a free pass on a first date (those things are awkward).

But a second date? At this point, you're getting to know the person. It's no longer a virtual stranger you're awkwardly trying to impress. There's no excuse for awkward tension.

I mean, obviously, you can have a little bit of those I'm-about-to-see-someone-I-really-like nerves. But the I-might-throw-up-I'm-so-nervous nerves? Yeah, those are not necessary.

Going on the third date inherently implies that you're into him.

There's a HUGE difference between a second date and a third date. A couple of dates mean nothing. It's just two people getting to know each other. You can end it after that however you'd like and still be totally unscathed.

But the third date? A third date implies a whole lot more. To the person you're going on a third date with, you're no longer “trying it out,” you're actively deciding that you like them.

There is NO need for you to get yourself in this deep with someone you aren't even that interested in.

Odds are, nothing is going to change by the third date.

Finally, if you still don't like this person at all by the second date, odds are, you aren't going to like him or her any more by the third date. You guys just don't click. And you know what? THAT'S OK.

You guys just don't click. And you know what? THAT'S OK.

Stop wasting his time — and your own — by trying to force something that's just blatantly not there. Tell him you had a great time, but you don't see this going past a second date. Then, move on to the next!