9 Ways To Save Your Relationship Before Going To Couples Therapy

by Sylvia Smith

Why do couples break up these days? Why can't they live happily ever after like in the movies? If there's trouble in paradise and you don't want to split up, then you need to talk about it. Communication is the key to a fruitful, fulfilling and happy relationship. Most couples don't talk about their issues; they avoid them in the hopes they'll eventually fade away.

Sadly, that will never happen, and before you know it, the whole relationship becomes a nightmare. Couples therapy is not something you want to do, and many would agree it's useless. Do you want to save your relationship? How far are you willing to go to do that?

Here are nine guidelines that can help you find out:

1. Be yourself, not somebody else.

For a relationship to work, it must be based on trust. Be yourself, and don't allow your significant other to change who you are. Stay true to your passions, dreams and goals. Above everything else, stay true to your own identity.

Just because you got married, it doesn't mean you have to change your personality. The person who chose you likes you just the way you are. If you change, he or she will end up resenting you. We all know resentment leads to painful breakups.

2. Spice things up in the bedroom.

A brand new romantic relationship comes with great sex. That's because the people involved and the emotions are new, fresh and exciting. After a while, things change. Some choose to do nothing about it, which may lead to a breakup or couples counseling. Others choose to spice things up.

If you want to help save your relationship, you can't think sex isn't an important factor. Get close to your partner and be happy when you're together. Let your emotions do the talking, try new things in the bedroom and don't be afraid of experimenting.

3. Be thankful.

A lot of people are not thankful enough when they're in a relationship, which is why they eventually end up in marriage counseling. They often see affection, romance and love as something awkward and embarrassing. It is important to keep the flame burning if you want to be a happy couple.

Be romantic with your significant other and show that person you care. Set your reluctance aside, and tell your girlfriend or wife how you actually feel. Be grateful using your words, gifts and flowers. Sometimes even the most innocent kiss can be the perfect reminder of love.

4. Compromise.

Romantic relationships work because they're based on a fundamental word: compromise. As the relationship advances, you'll notice you share different opinions. That's OK. You don't have to agree with everything your husband or wife says, but you have to listen to this person to try to reach common ground. Married couples who are genuinely happy understand that compromise is they key to the success of their relationship.

5. Stay focused on the good parts.

Couples fight because they have different needs, whether they're family related, financial or intimate. Conflict arises when arguments don't come to an end. What can you do about this? Start by focusing on the good things you share.

Talk to each other and say what bothers you out loud. Work it out, and make concessions with your partner. By focusing on the good, you will eventually ignore the lesser things happening in your life.

6. Fights will occur sooner or later, so acknowledge that.

It's really important for couples to acknowledge they won't fight less if they get married. Fights are normal as long as you learn to accept them. Rather than seeing a therapist as a last resort, why not try listening more?

Replace those feelings of hostility and resentment with good will and humor. You'll feel a lot better. If you have an argument, try not to freak out. You're fighting with the person you love most in this life, which basically means it can't be that bad.

7. See the good in your partner.

Couples in stable, happy marriages are positive individuals. They see the good in their partners, and they won't try to change them. Appreciate the person sleeping on the other side of the bed, and show him or her your utmost respect. Do that even when you're fighting. Don't let arguments escalate and become destructive.

8. Value honesty.

Be honest with your loved one if you want things to work out in the long term. Rather than focus on your spouse's flaws, you should first assess your own. Search for a way to make the relationship work. Communicate more often, tell the truth and don't force him or her to change.

9. Ditch the ego.

A lot of people go to couples therapy because they can't give up their egos. When two people are stubborn, there's no way their relationship will work. For things to go smoother, you have to give something up in order to get something else in return.

Be kind to each other, and admit if you made a mistake. Don't cover it up with your ego because you'll end up in conflict. When couples fight over insignificant things, they bring out issues from the past, and nothing good ever comes out of that.