We’ve all been there.
You meet a great guy you just click with. The two of you talk non-stop every day, and can’t stand the thought of being apart. You dish all the dirty details to your friends, and get butterflies when you see him.
You feel like a little girl, giddy about her first crush. The two of you just get each other. It feels right.
You meet each other’s friends and families. Everything is going great, until someone slams the "relationship" label on you.
It’s the dreaded conversation we all try to avoid: the “where is this relationship going?” talk. If you're lucky, the two of you will solidify your relationship and continue on.
But not all of us are so fortunate.
One of the hardest answers to hear goes something like this: "I really love being with you. I think you're a great girl. But it's just not the 'right' time in my life to date. Blah, blah, blah."
I’ve come to realize timing isn’t the problem: The guy you’re with is.
It's my personal opinion, the “it’s not a good time in my life to date” line is one of the biggest cop-outs and most bullsh*t excuses out there. It’s like getting hit with, “It’s not you, it’s me,” and knowing you’re just being lied to and let down easy.
You know at this point, you should just leave him. But doing so is harder than you expected.
So you stick around, thinking maybe he'll change his mind if he has just a little more time with you. Just one more laugh or one more kiss should do it, right?
But as I’ve learned from experience, it won’t.
1. There is no “right” time.
First of all, what the f*ck is the "right" time?
I understand life throws a lot of things at us, but is it worth it to cut a relationship short simply because it's inconvenient? You could have been with the love of your life, and you didn’t give it a real chance because your lifestyle wasn’t conducive to dating.
If you wait until everything in your life is near perfect to date, how will you know if someone is willing to stay with you when things get challenging?
2. You’re missing out on other guys.
When you stay with the f*ckboy who doesn’t want to date you (because that's essentially what he's saying), you’re cutting yourself off from meeting other men.
Staying with him is comfortable. It's easy.
But in reality, it completely sucks because you want more and he doesn't. Why stay in a mediocre "relationship" when you could find someone who goes out of his way to make time for you?
3. You’re selling yourself short of what you deserve.
Every girl is looking for her version of Prince Charming. The guy who won’t date you is just a douche, trying to carry you off to his bedroom. (Okay, maybe that's extreme. But the point is, you deserve better.)
Any man who wants to be with you will make an effort to actually be with you. The boy you’re with only wants you around because you’re staying around.
Trust me; he'll find another once you're gone. He views you as replaceable. Deep down, you know this is true, but admitting it hurts like hell.
Stop settling. The man who wants to be with you will prove to you not all guys are d*cks, and you’ll be glad you left the loser who saw you as just an option.
4. You’re letting him win.
By staying with the guy who says it’s not the right time for him to be dating, you’re letting him win. He is getting everything he wants: a pretty girl to show off to his friends, sex whenever he wants and someone to talk to when he’s bored. This is all without any commitment required on his part.
All you’re getting is strung along.
You get the short end of the stick because you continue to have feelings for this f*ckboy, even though you promised yourself you wouldn't.
5. It's all about him.
Did he ever stop to ask what you wanted or how you felt? No.
He was too caught up in how a relationship would affect his life.
A relationship is all about compromises and communication. This boy thinks in terms of "me," when he should think in terms of "us."
Would you really want to be in a relationship where decisions are made without your input?
6. His lack of commitment shouldn’t f*ck with your confidence.
No matter how secure or confident you are, having the person you have strong feelings for tell you, “It’s not a good time to date” f*cks with your confidence. You begin to question whether or not you’re the problem.
Will he change for another girl? Why won't he change for me? Am I not good enough? All these doubts eat away at you, until you feel like sh*t about yourself.
The man you should be with will make you feel more confident and more beautiful. He will make you question why you even entertained the thought of staying with the dick who couldn't see what a great girl he had.