7 Ridiculous Sex Myths We All Still Believe

by Gigi Engle

For a relatively well-educated society, there are many people out there who believe dumb stuff.

And when it comes to sex, we're the worst. Think about all the stupid stuff you believed when you were a kid. I thought swallowing sperm could make you pregnant, and I definitely thought you couldn't get pregnant your first time until I was in high school. SMFH.

Yet our collective sexual health IQ is so low that many people wind up believing these kinds of myths well into adulthood. I listen to so many people spew nonsense out of their asses that my standard response is to simply stare in open disbelief as I ponder how someone could actually think this foolishness is fact.

Anyway, here are seven stupid sex myths people still believe.

1. A girl can't get pregnant on top because of #gravity.

I can't remember if I first heard this one from my little brother or that movie, "Knocked Up," but if boy-creatures out there actually tell each other this, then that is no bueno.

Fun fact, guys: Sperm are ALIVE, and they can SWIM. It doesn't matter which way you shoot because your little guys are gonna find home base (translation: the uterus) regardless of the direction.

2. The female orgasm is not real.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Oh, hey! Sorry, just laughing my ass off for a hot second.

I can't believe that it’s 2016 and people think this is true. But alas, they do. I talk with guys all the time who openly question whether women really can get off. (They then collectively pat each other on the backs, whispering, “No, they can’t even have orgasms. It’s not your fault, bro.”)

Though mind-blowing, this sort of ignorance is sadly prevalent today. Ladies, if you're not having orgasms it's because you're sleeping with the wrong people. Thassit.

3. You can't get STDs from giving head.

I once hooked up with a guy who turned to me and said: “Oh no, babe, it’s okay to blow me without a condom. You can’t get STDs from head.”

And I just stared at him.

At first, I thought he was joking. But, to my horror, he was serious. So, if y’all are still out there giving blowjobs and cunnilingus without protection, then I have a message for you: It’s DANGEROUS.

4. Mansplaining: "I can't orgasm if I'm wearing a condom."

If a guy says this to you, my fellow females, do NOT believe it. Men absolutely CAN finish while wearing a condom. He's still going to give you the D regardless. I swear.

Are you really going to risk getting the clap (or something way worse) just so some guy can nut on his terms? Don't be that girl. Please, don't be that girl. Make him rubber up, or he can go home.

5. You can't get pregnant in water.

Again, sperm can swim no matter where they are shot, homie. See point #1.

6. If you masturbate, it will be harder to have an orgasm during sex.

Oh, the age-old tale of yesteryear that the nuns (or mom?) told us in Catholic school: If you touch your junk, Jimmy, it will ruin sex for you!

This is not true. If anything, masturbation will make your orgasms better.

You have to learn about your body to know what your body likes. Practice makes perfect, so don't be scared to jerk it.

 7. If a woman has too much sex she'll get looser.

This myth is an example of slut-shaming at its finest. The vagina is a muscle. It is meant to expand. Women can push an entire human out of that hole without doing permanent damage. You think some little pencil D is going to mess us up? NO.

Not everyone feels comfortable talking about sex. There are some questions that many of us are too timid to ask. But in Comedy Central's new show, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser, no sex or relationship topic is off limits! Catch new episodes Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central or anytime on the CC APP.