You guys, I have officially become a woman.
A couple of days ago, I opened up my very first UNSOLICITED dick pic over Snapchat. I was lying in bed, still half-asleep because my alarm had just gone off and thumbing through my snaps like I do every morning, until BAM. There it was, just... chillin'.
I screamed before the picture disappeared forever (thank sweet Jesus), put down my phone and needed a solid five more minutes to recover before I could get out of bed.
I'd like to point out that this picture was from a guy I barely know -- once upon a time, he and I engaged in a mild flirtation. We didn't talk for a couple of years and then he added me on Snapchat. I guess he thought it was the best way to rejuvenate our... friendship was to send me a photo of his penis. On Snapchat.
For the record, his penis was quite nice, but that's beside the point. The point I am trying to make here is that the last thing I want to see when my eyes are still adjusting to the light is a goddamn penis. Under the right circumstances, in the bedroom, penis is yums. But this is not the bedroom. This is Snapchat, people. KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS. UGH.
So this is a PSA. Not just to my ever-so-gracious Snapchat friend, but to ALL the dudes in the world who have ever thought it's okay to send unwanted dick pics to a girl. Stop sending them. Trust me, if I ever want to see a photo of your penis, I will explicitly ask you for a photo. OK?
Ladies, I've got y'all covered. Here are all the best ways to respond to that nasty AF dick pic you just aren't feelin':
"I'd rather eat this."
Recreate the Side Eyeing Chloe meme.
Send your own dick pic.
This one's self-explanatory.
Run away, like that fat guy meme.
Send this dude.
And if you can't think of anything else, JUST SAY "NO."