Susana Ramírez

What You Need To Remind Yourself When You Feel Like Reaching Out To An Ex

By

We've all been there. You've dated a guy for however long and have come to the realization he is just toxic to your life.

Whether he was controlling, lying or cheating, he just wasn't right for you, and you got to the point where you're ready to cut the ties and move on.

So, you do. You stop the texting, calling and sending each other funny pictures.

Nothing. It's done.

At first, there's a part of you that feels relief. You're almost proud of yourself for finally realizing this relationship was never going anywhere, and you made the decision to end it once and for all with your ex.

You were smart enough to finally see you were the one setting yourself up for heartbreak over and over again and have finally ended the pattern.

You've made it. A day, a week, even a month has gone by. You've been strong and ignored every urge to reach out to them.

However, this is exactly when things start to get confusing, and we start twisting the thoughts in our own minds.

Where are they? What are they up to? Why aren't they trying to reach out to us?

Don't you miss me? Us? Everything we ever had? How has this been so easy for you to let me go and just move on with your life like there was never anything between us, like we're strangers?

This is where we go wrong and betray ourselves. We start thinking they must have moved on. But how could they, when we really haven't really let go of the relationship ourselves?

Then temptation arises. Should I reach out? Should I text him first?

As tempting as this seems, it's all a part of letting go. We are our own worst enemy.

It's not the guy because he's not trying to win you back. It's us.

We begin creating images in our minds of what we think the relationship could have been, even though the past has already proven to us numerous times it was never meant to work.

The hardest part about letting go is telling yourself to stop twisting the story.

The facts were clear: If you were supposed to be together, you would have been.

If he loved you, he wouldn't have lied. He wouldn't have cheated. He wouldn't have hurt you or let you down so many times.

Men are like a drug, and breakups are just like quitting them cold turkey. You're going to go through withdrawals for your ex and you're going to struggle.

But in the end, once you finally make it through the addiction, you start living a better life. You can breathe a little easier once the weight is lifted off your shoulders.

Your mind becomes clearer, and you're no longer obsessing over thoughts of him, past memories or a nonexistent future you wanted to play out.

In the end, all is easier said than done. But maybe it's time to actually try it.

We always start off strong, thinking we've let them go and that's all it takes.

However, we end up battling ourselves because in the back of our minds, we haven't actually let go. We have led ourselves to believe they'll eventually come back like they have every time before.

All we have to do is make it through this short period of time without talking.

But each time you stop talking, the worrying begins. You realize you haven't let go at all and that, in reality, you're afraid they have moved on instead. Maybe this time they won't come back.

And that's when we cave. We relapse, and the only thing to satisfy our craving is to reach out and text them, allowing the cycle to begin yet again.

It's time to stop falling down the rabbit hole over and over again with the same ex and actually move on with your life because you've been down this road before and it's never changed.

It's time to take charge of your life and this addiction to change the ending of your story.

This article was originally published on the author's personal blog.