Why You Will Fall In Love With The Guy Who Won't Check All The Boxes
I judge you a little bit every time you want to go to bed without brushing your teeth.
I cringe when you cancel plans on the same day.
But I’m not a bitch for thinking this way.
Either we don’t have expectations, or we have too many standards.
I recently read Aziz Ansari’s book, "Modern Romance."
While it offers more practical advice and research as opposed to a self-sabotaging, humorous exposé on the hurdles of finding Mr. Perfect, the book did get me laughing.
A few chapters into the book, Ansari shares an anecdote from a focus group of women.
One woman received a voicemail from a guy that included her name, his name and an assertion that he would like her to call him back.
She was floored because it was so nice, but Ansari was floored because it couldn't have been a more basic bitch voicemail.
Your life is important.
You want someone special to share your life with. But this means there are compromises to be made.
I think it’s awesome being single.
I went to a blogger dinner with nine other women in their 20s and 30s, and they dished about the single life.
Honestly, they cannot find anyone they want to factor in their vacation days and sick days for, but I personally laughed a little bit inside because I never thought that's what it meant to factor someone else in.
There are seriously too many perks to living alone and being single.
The main one is the fact that we get to do whatever we want, whenever we want.
We can work later, we can go to events, we can buy that new dress, we can set our own budget and we can vacation where and when we want to.
Factoring someone else in and caring about someone else’s happiness is hard work.
So, yes, we have boxes that need to be checked. Yes, we would like pleasure in our love lives.
But while we are so busy building an enviable single life, we still envy couples because we want someone to bring us pumpkin spice lattes, remember our birthdays and suffer through Thanksgiving with our unforgiving families.
It’s nice when someone asks you the simple question, “How was your day?”
I guess for this voicemail lady, this might not have been too farfetched.
Think for a moment: When was the last time someone (besides your parents) left you a voicemail?
It’s the thoughtful sh*t that gets to us.
So, do we need the check box?
I asked an older group of ladies this question. They advised that I want "boring."
Someone boring cleans the dishes. Someone boring pays the bills.
I was like, “Can’t I have someone who pays the bills, does the dishes and surprises me with dinners and flowers in between? Why must I choose between Mr. Practical and Mr. Spontaneous?”
Mr. Practical would stifle my zest for life.
The whole point of dating and marriage is to build a life together that is (dear God) more fulfilling and enviable than your current solo situation.
So, here’s my advice: Make a list of all the qualities you want in a guy.
You want it, name it: straight teeth, 6 feet tall, tailored suits, amazing in bed and excellent hygiene.
Check, check and check.
Sociable. Available. Strong. Funny (and not in a Chandler Bing way).
Loyal. Honest. Reliable. Caring. Passionate.
Now, prioritize it. You've now put yourself in the hot seat.
Make a new list of all the traits you want to have, or you wish you could have.
Include things your partner would want in someone else. List them all.
Smells like vanilla. Smiles. Cooks.
Religious. Polite. Financially savvy.
Stylish. Witty. Cute.
Check, check and check.
Pick the five things you think someone would value the most.
I’m sure you will realize we are all striving to be better people. We can't check off all the boxes ourselves, and neither can our future significant others.
Do yourself a favor and do you.
If you get excited over a voicemail, jump up and down.
It’s a little give. It’s a little take.
No one is perfect, and no one lives a perfect life.
Pick your top five. Now, start swiping.