Love is never like it is in the movies because life isn't always a rom-com.
In fact, if I had to categorize my love life into a genre, it would be uncomfortable thriller. Not because I'm killing anyone, just because it's scary how awkward it can be.
I know my love life is nothing like a movie for the seven reasons listed below, but you're welcome to grab some popcorn and watch the flames.
1. Everything is more awkward without movie music.
Watch any kind of movie -- comedy, horror, action -- and imagine it without music. Those really heart-wrenching scenes don't seem as dramatic anymore; in fact, they seem pretty strange.
Well, that is real life dating.
A first date in a movie may seem really cute and fun with playful symphonies setting the scene, but in real life, you're in a loud crowded bar, trying to hear your Tinder date talk about what they studied in college.
2. No one is sex-scene ready all the time.
I don't know about you, but I am never walking around in sexy lingerie unless I have it planned on my calendar that I'm getting some. Being sex-ready is a process. And afterward, we never look as glam as the actors.
After a sweaty session my hair resembles a beehive, my makeup a raccoon and the last thing I want is a closeup.
3. Dramatic reconnections at the airport aren't realistic.
There are so many components I don't understand about these type of love scenes. First of all, if someone is fleeing to another country to end a relationship that's a little dramatic.
Second, the other person really doesn't realize he or she loves that other person until the plane is boarding? That seems terribly inconvenient.
Thirdly, once you get there you have to buy a ticket, again very inconvenient, then rush through security (not a thing) and find that person's gate just in the nick of time.
Let me tell you what would happen in real life.
Someone would have called security when they saw a man running through the airport, screaming, "Stop the plane!"
He would then struggle from security yelling, "But the love of my life is on there!" He would then get tasered, and Sally would jet off to Peru.
4. Actors aren't supposed to drink or do drugs on set to ease the tension.
Real life dating usually involves lots of these things.
5. There is way more relationship happening through texting in real life.
It's obvious why movies would stray away from a lot of the correspondence on phones and computers because they want you to watch the action in real time.
You pay to see a movie to get off your phone -- not to watch someone else do it.
But the reality of dating these days is much of it takes place online. Whether it be dating apps, sexting or getting ghosted, our current dating culture just doesn't relate to what's portrayed on the big screen.
No one is going to come to your house with a boom box or make you a mixed tape, but if you're lucky they might send you a screenshot of a song that reminds them of you.
6. There are no second takes.
If something came out wrong, no problem! The director can yell out "CUT!" and the actors can start over, even take a break to their dressing rooms to think it over first. In the real dating world, if you fuck up, you usually can't take it back.
Sure you can say sorry and spend countless months making it up to someone, but if the same thing keeps happening, after a while your line is going to get old.
7. No one is watching you or cares.
Sorry this wasn't the romantic article you were seeking. Truth is, you're not a famous actor (unless you are, follow me on Twitter @PBandKelley).
The only audience your love life has is your brunch crew or kickball league, and even they wish you'd shut up about how you and Steve went to The Met last weekend.
GEN WHY is back for Season 7 to remind you that without movie magic, love is weird.