20 Ridiculous Excuses You Give After Somebody Ghosts You
Dating is absolutely awful, right? Sometimes the first date jitters are exciting. But dating is also horrible because you know, no matter what, it's going to end one way or another. Happily ever after or disaster.
Maybe that endless opportunity is what makes it exciting. But since men (boys) under the age of, I don't know, thirty, can still act like children, dating can be horrible.
I'd bet almost everyone who has been around the dating block is familiar with “ghosting” in one way or another. So let's talk about it.
Ghosting, according to Google, is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. (Take the word "relationship" in this definition lightly because ghosting can happen at anytime, without actually being in a relationship.)
Whether he hasn't answered your text in two hours or two weeks, there's a shit ton of excuses that go through our minds when this happens. Let's be real, about 99.9% of them are definitely not why he ghosted you. But whatever makes you feel better, right?
So, to all the single ladies sitting on their couch tonight with a glass of wine and a box of chocolates, this one's for you. Here are all the reasons you think he ghosted you:
1. His phone died, he lost his charger and all his money is gone, so he can't buy a new charger, and there's no power in his apartment.
2. He got in a freak accident and lost all movement of his fingers, except for the one he uses to watch your Snapchat stories.
3. He hit his head and woke up the next morning with amnesia and literally doesn't remember anything after September 1, 2016. (Lucky for him, he isn't aware of the election results.)
4. He found your Twitter and is extremely turned off by your obsession with "The Bachelor/The Bachelorette."
5. He's friends with your ex and they're swapping stories about that "one time" you went crazy.
6. A homeless man stole his phone and is enjoying watching your Snapchat stories.
7. He realized you are way too good for him, and telling you would be too hard for him.
8. He's embarrassed because he's a total fuck up and you rock.
9. His ex-girlfriend (who he told you is batshit crazy) is back in the picture.
10. He thinks it's weird you still sleep with a stuffed animal.
11. He's allergic to peanut butter, and you love peanut butter, so last time you hung out he went into anaphylactic shock when he got home.
12. He's still on his parents cell phone plan and ran out of data for the month. He also doesn't know how to connect to wifi or use a computer.
13. His dog ate his phone.
14. He dropped his phone in the ocean while taking a sunset Snapchat and lost all his contacts.
15. See number 14 and he can't figure out how to retrieve his contacts or messages from iCloud, so he literally doesn't have your number anymore.
16. He started watching The West Wing (or any TV show) under your recommendation, and he hated it so much that he now can't look at you the same way.
17. He thinks froyo is dumb.
18. And avocado.
19. He's still at the gym, and has been for the last four days.
20. He found your Spotify account and refuses to date anyone who listens to country music.
As comforting as these are, let's be real. We all know there are only two real reasons why a guy ghosts you.
A. He's immature (so he did you a favor)
B. He probably doesn't like you very much, even though you're a catch (see number 7). But whatever gets you through the day and onto the next one.