6 Qualities Of A Good Partner That I Never Knew I Wanted
To me, my husband is the coolest person in the whole world. He not only has a lot of things I consider "traditional" qualities of a good partner, but he's also just the most perfect person in every way. And he fits me completely.
I wasn't ever totally certain I wanted to get married before I connected with him, but as soon as I did, I knew there was no question about it. I wanted to be with him forever.
As I got to know him, I realized he also has a lot of qualities that I would never have expected I needed. In fact, I like to say to him that he's "everything I never knew I needed," and he feels the same way about me.
These are some of the qualities my husband has that I never really knew I wanted in a relationship.
1. Calling Me Out On My BS
I never knew I would be into getting called out on my BS when I'm being... well, annoying AF. But my husband does this, and I love him for it.
It's common to pursue love, respect, and kindness in relationships, and my husband and I have all of that in spades. What's less common, I think, is sheer, unadulterated, radical honesty.
I've been a big believer in radical honesty for a while, so I was relieved when I found out my husband was also a fan. No matter what irritating behavior I'm engaged in at the moment — whether it's being self-pitying, being whiny, being judgmental, or sucking at housework — he doesn't let me get away with it. He always lets me know in a kind way when I'm doing something awful.
I want to be a better person always, and I'm really glad my husband helps me get there by not allowing my BS to go by without a word.
2. Being More Mature Than I Am
I was always kind of an old soul, and I always had more in common with kids older than I was instead of kids my own age when I was growing up. For these reasons, I thought dating someone more mature than I am would feel like I drag. I was already pretty precocious (in a bad way) and a lot like a boring adult, even before I actually was an adult.
That said, my husband is actually more mature than I am, and it's awesome. He's not mature in the boring ways, like being risk-averse or never wanting to do anything wild. He's mature in the ways that complement me perfectly. He knows when I'm getting super stressed out and need to do something to relax myself. He knows when we should spend money and when we should save it. He knows what things are worth getting upset over in life (really, not many).
I feel really grateful I ended up with someone more mature than I am because it feels like I get to learn a lot from him every day.
3. Being More Fun Than I Am
Yes, apparently, it's possible to be simultaneously more mature and also more fun than I am. My husband accomplishes this easily. Despite his maturity, my husband is always up for whatever adventure I want to plan next, and he's usually also planning some of his own adventures.
Fun is what binds us, at first, in relationships, but I've noticed over time, this fun can dwindle. That's why it was important to me to choose a life partner who would value fun as much as I did and who would never want to really grow up.
4. Being Just As Wacky As I Am
I have some weird habits. For example, my favorite sandwich is made up of dill pickles and crunchy peanut butter on toasted whole wheat bread. I also really like to make up songs about my puppy any chance I get. And if I'm itchy or hot or cold, I can't focus on literally anything around me until I get that resolved.
I never realized that being with someone just as weird as I am would be something I really liked in a long-term relationship, but the truth is, it's my absolute favorite.
My husband also some has bizarre, yet totally adorable, habits that I don't think most people do. (For the purposes of his sanity and my marriage, I won't reveal them here.) It's honestly kind of cool to be able to look at each habit and think, "Man, you're weird," but then laugh about it, too, because, well, who wants to be normal anyway?
5. Babying Me When I Ask
Before I got married (and still now in most ways), I really valued being an independent woman. I never wanted to be one of those chicks who went to college or grad school just to end up staying home and relying on a man. So I wasn't one of those people.
At times, though, I think I probably took my independence a bit too far and didn't really let anyone in. Then, I had a series of irritating experiences in relationships and wanted to let people in even less. By the time I started seeing my husband, I wouldn't even let him walk around and open the car door for me.
Over time, though, as I realized he was different, I wanted to let him in more, and that included wanting to be taken care of sometimes. I realized that I never trusted anyone enough before to ask them to take care of me, because doing so really does require a lot of trust and vulnerability.
Now, though, when I ask him to, my husband is right there helping me through sickness, a bad day, or whatever I need. And it's the best.
6. Knowing Love Is A Decision
The most important quality I never knew I needed or wanted from a forever partner is this: My husband thinks love is a decision just as much as I do.
Now, that might not sound really romantic, but it is to me. My husband doesn't believe that he could have picked anyone in the world and decided to love them and that would be that. He thinks I'm the one, that we have a special spark, and that we're meant to be. That said, though, he also believes marriage and forever aren't just about the flow of love. They are about the decision to love every single day.
I knew I wanted a romantic partner when I was young, because I used to be pretty romantic myself. But as I got older and more cynical, I thought it would be impossible to sustain love over a lifetime, even if it was true love.
I was relieved to meet someone who believes, like I do, that it's a choice. The initial spark can be there, with all the romance and excitement, but the decision to be with someone forever — well, that really is a decision.
When I was young, I knew I wanted the "traditional" things that most of us want out of relationships: lots of love, romance, kindness, and communication. What I didn't know, however, was that I would find the perfect fit with someone who has a bunch of awesome qualities I never could have seen coming.
My husband is the best, and because of these qualities, I know I've found the best fit possible.
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