Why Pulling Out Is The Perfect Analogy For Dating In This Generation

by Lauren Martin

“Don’t worry, I’m really good at pulling out. I do it all the time.”

We all know the pull-out method.

It's when a man and a woman have sex, but in an attempt to avoid pregnancy, the man pulls out before ejaculation.

It’s when a guy asks you to trust him, to assume he knows what he’s doing and the chance you're taking on him will definitely be worth it. It's when he'll make sure to pull out right before things get too intense.

Hmm, sound familiar? Sound like something less indicative of a naive and juvenile birth control method and more of a play-by-play of the perpetual hook-up culture we’re dating through?

Along with "just the tip" and "just for a second," it sounds like we've created a dating culture around a massive lie. Doesn't it sound like we've created a scenario in which men get to have their cake and eat it too?

What we don’t realize is the pull-out method is a myth and this ideal view of sex is indicative of our real view of dating. We’re condoning it, perpetuating it and even offering it up. We’re letting the pull-out method become less of a sexual term and more of a cultural one.

If you think the pull-out method isn’t an analogy for the way we date now, then you’re not having enough sex or not going on enough dates.

If you’ve ever been approached by a man, asked on a date, given him the best parts of you and watched him leave with no regard, you’ve experienced the pull-out method.

If you’ve felt the rug pulled out from under you, your trust thrown in your face and your cake had and eaten too, then you’ve just been pulled-out on.

It’s the whole idea of it — the half-assed attempt at something beautiful, a mess that’s usually left for the woman to clean up and promises that lead to nothing but bad sex and a quick goodbye.

Is that not the life of a single woman? If you ask me, the only way to stop the hook-up culture is to stop the pull-out method… Because, seriously, aren't they the same thing?

You're trying to enjoy something you know will end prematurely

What’s the point of having sex if you’re going to cut it off? It’s like eating half a Reese’s cup — the satisfaction is lost somewhere in the middle. We’re dating and having sex half-assed.

We’ve got no follow-through. We’re perpetually leaving each other in the middle of texts, relationships and orgasms.

You trust someone who has no loyalty to you

Yes, stranger, I will trust that you have my best interests at heart and are going to do the right thing. I trust you’re not just in this for your own satisfaction and you’re keeping my needs in mind.

Unfortunately, the dating scene doesn’t work like that, and neither does the pull-out one.

You allow someone in who you know could infect you

Just because you’re pulling out doesn’t mean you’re not leaving each other with anything. Just because you’re avoiding pregnancy doesn’t mean you’re avoiding STDs and HIV.

We let people into our bodies and into our hearts without any regard of the risks. We’re so open, so liberated and so ready to trust that we forget about all the times we let the pain in.

We give the wrong people access and usually end up with some scars (and herpes) that never go away.

It feels good in the present, but always leads to paranoia

Those initial moments feel great. Those first texts and smiley face emoji are pure bliss. But then the texts stop — mid-conversation, mid-date, mid-love affair — and you’re left wondering what happened.

You’re insecure, panicked and, like a woman who just missed her period, thinking of all the possibilities that could have been.

It usually happens drunk

Drunk sex, drunk dates and drunk breakups. That’s all we get: blacked-out passion and blacked-out introductions.

We’re sleeping together the same way we’re hanging out together — making bad decisions and ruining everything with our unconscious omissions and conscious ejaculations.

You're left cleaning up a mess

What just happened? How did it get like this? When did everything get so messy? The pull-out method, like a brief romance, has the same whiplash effect. It goes from pure ecstasy to complete destruction in a matter of hours (or minutes).

We let someone in and think he'll be there tomorrow, yet all this person leaves us with is his empty promises, rejected love and sticky sheets.

You know how stupid it is, but you do it anyway

You know what you’re getting into. Hell, if you didn’t just agree to it, you probably suggested it.

In the heat of the moment, you forgot all your common sense and better judgment and let someone into your life who's only going to leave you feeling paranoid and used. You risk the consequences for the promise of pleasure but only end up reaping the pain.

There’s at least one jerk involved

This pun is self-explanatory.

No matter how many times you tell yourself you’ll never do it again, you do it again

By now, you know what’s good for you. You know what’s healthy and what’s destructive. You know the facts, the history and the signs, but you still refuse to acknowledge them.

Like a masochist or an impudent child, you ignore the advice and your own common sense because you crave the moments of fleeting pleasure.

Yet, like losing your innocence all over again, you'll soon realize there's no substance to that kind of pleasure.