Most people spend their Saturdays doing something fun, like downing a bottle of Jame-o or tripping over themselves because their stilettos are too tall. But I spent mine staring at a suitcase on a bed, preparing to say goodbye to a man I loved.
My ex was making the trip to LA for the unforeseeable future, as some New Yorkers have a habit of doing. They get tired of the struggle, the toughness, the hard-to-come-by humanity and figure they’ll find whatever they’re looking for 3,000 miles away.
The thing is, it’s rare that those fed-up New Yorkers find what they’re looking for elsewhere. They usually aren’t trying to escape the hustle and bustle of the city; they’re trying to escape some kind of demon within themselves.
With sadness weighing upon me, I said goodbye to my ex. Though he insisted it was “see you later” rather than “goodbye,” I was a complete wreck. It sure felt like “goodbye.”
I don’t know when he is going to come back to New York, or if he ever will, but if our past is any indication of his future, he will stay a part of my life.
My ex and I met four years ago, on a rainy New York street corner. In that timeframe, we've gotten together, broken up, dated other people, I moved to California and came back to New York.
And through our spur-of-the-moment journeys, romantic ups-and-downs and ever-changing lives, we somehow always found our way back to each other. Our love for each other never stopped.
People often weigh in on my love life, telling me his decision to come back time and time again is only detrimental for my own progress. But I agree to disagree.
I’ve always viewed his returns to my life, and mine to his, as beautiful. They represent something undeniably powerful: a nearly magnetic force bigger than the both of us, one that pulls us back toward each other, whether we’re in the same city or separated by oceans.
They also represent timelessness, as the passing of time plays no role in the bond that we built from nothing. Our perpetual draw to each other doesn’t discriminate against who we are now, who we once were or who we are meant to be.
Because even when we’ve both seen the world and all of the brilliant people in it, we still remain each others' biggest fans. No one person of the thousands I've met on this Earth has measured up to him, and he has nothing but the same to say about me.
We can't quit each other because we share a love too powerful to quit. And though some may say that kind of love is the most dangerous of all, I say it's the most powerful.
The most powerful loves are the ones that can withstand change.
He loved you when you were young and immature, and he loved you when you were older and wiser. He loved you when you were defiant and reckless, and he loved you when you were afraid of the world.
No matter what you were going through or when, no matter whom you dated or when, he held a special place in your heart. You never really fell out of love with him, nor he with you.
The most powerful loves are the ones that test your patience.
You love him when you're livid enough to punch through a wall. You would -- and you have -- sacrificed your own well-being for his because you want nothing more than to see him beat whatever darkness may come his way.
Even at his worst, you stand by him. He falls down and struggles to get back up, but you believe in him when he doesn’t believe in himself.
Even at your most insecure, he works to restore your faith. He brings out the best in you, even when you're too blind to see it yourself.
The most powerful loves are the ones that still surprise you.
Your hearts have stayed in sync. He told you he loved you, and your confession followed. And as much as you tried to move on from your love, it hasn’t gone away, because there is nowhere for it to go.
This kind of love stays unresolved. It’s filled with promise and never completely ends.
But it’s never stagnant; it forever grows. It may twist and turn and shift into an entirely different kind of love, but the new love that blossoms isn’t any less powerful than the love that once was. It’s simply reborn.
And each and every time that love reincarnates, it surprises you with just how much it continues to become more and more remarkable.
The most powerful loves are the ones that refuse to end.
California could steal my ex’s heart and bury it into the ground. And even still, we'd never stop loving each other.
Because this kind of love is stubborn enough to stay strong for two people -- even when two people can’t stay strong for themselves.