Having To Poop On A First Date Is The Worst Problem Ever, New Video Shows

by Candice Jalili
Treehouse Pictures

You're on your first date with the girl of your dreams, so obviously you're pulling out all the stops.

First, you get drinks at a nice bar in your neighborhood. She tells you all about her life and you tell her all about yours... it's magical. Suddenly, you look down at your watch and, OMG, it's been four hours!

No wonder you're so hungry.

You suggest the two of you go get some delicious food at this little Italian place right next door to you.

The only problem? You're SEVERELY lactose intolerant.

You manage to keep your body's reaction to all that cheese together throughout the entire meal. But then, to your surprise, she invites you back to her apartment!

Obviously, you're not going to say no to this angel without wings, so you oblige.

But, oh boy, your tummy is GRUMBLING, and it's grumbling big time.

You want to maybe let out one of those silent toots, but you know this is gonna be so much more than that.

You've gotta go poop, and you've gotta go BADLY.

So what do you do when you're squirming like crazy on her off-white couch? Well, lucky for you, the people over at Poo-Pourri have mapped out your options in this new video:

The interactive video presents you with several different choices to go without your date noticing: You can light a match, spray perfume or use Poo-Pourri.

IDK what option you guys went with, but I, personally, chose "light a match" and it resulted in the bathroom CATCHING ON FIRE. So, like, never doing that again...

This video is just the latest in a series of viral videos that the poop-disguising product has just released about defecating in awkward places. Poop at a Party has over seven million views, while Poop at Work has almost a million views.


Because everybody poops and everybody knows the painful feeling of holding in a poop.

If you're going to deny that this has ever been a problem for you, first of all, let me suggest you buy the book "Everybody Poops" and give it a good read. Second, let me call you a big, fat, constipated LIAR.

The truth is, we all want a solution to having to poop on a date — a way to avoid the pain while still holding onto a small shred of dignity.

But, if you ask me, the natural bodily function that is pooping shouldn't completely ruin your shot at real, true, everlasting LOVE on a first date.

Your real soulmate will accept you for your entire being, smelly doodies and all.