Are You His Plan B?
It’s a Wednesday night, and my roommate is flipping through DVDs looking for something to watch, something that doesn’t require a lot of thinking to understand, yet will intrigue us enough to provide a few chuckles, one or two outbursts at a bitchy character and a happy ending.
We decided on the RomCom “Just Wright,” with Queen Latifah, Common and an actress whose name I’m too lazy to look up on IMDB. Little did I know, the movie would basically sum up my dating life ..kind of, not really, but secretly.
I couldn’t help but think about the idea of being the “Plan B” girl. No, we aren’t talking about the little pill you take the morning after. We’re talking about the good girl friend that takes care of the guy anytime of the day or night; the girl who is always there for him; the girl who usually gets screwed over once, twice, or maybe 320498 times.
Let me preface this by saying, I’m definitely not suggesting that every male friend you have is making you their Plan B.
Nowadays, it’s really cool to be able to say that you have a lot of guy friends, which apparently means you’re one of the bros, another one of the homies. However, you can’t deny that there isn’t at least one guy friend that you care a little extra about. He’s likely the guy who constantly dates the wrong girl, which ends in him getting hurt. Every time he gets hurt, you wish you could just be the one to care for him, even though he didn’t take your advice about the girl he got involved with. He’s the guy that takes you out on your birthday for a nicer dinner than your actual boyfriend would. He’s the guy friend you wouldn’t mind dating.
You can tell me I’m wrong, and you care a lot about all of your guy friends, as you would any of your girl friends. You might tell me I’m just thirsty for my own guy friends, but honestly, you’re only defending yourself against a girl through a computer 100+ miles away.
So maybe it’s time you be honest with yourself. Think about it. There’s that guy, that one guy you wish would - in the wise words of Miguel - “love you like a brother, treat you like a friend, respect you like a lover.”
Feeling like you’re a Plan B isn’t a desirable place to be. In the film, Queen Latifah realizes she’s Common’s Plan B and tells him she doesn’t want to be treated like a last resort. As I watched, I found myself nodding my head and passionately yelling at the TV, “You go Glen Coco!”
Why should you have to feel like you’re any man’s last resort, ladies? You don’t want to ruin a great friendship? You don’t want to be rejected? You don’t feel like you’re actually his Plan B? Well, all of these are great excuses, but in the end, I just want to let you know that you deserve a little better. That ‘better’ might come in the form of telling your best guy friend exactly how you feel, or finding yourself a new boyfriend. Don’t stick around to become a last resort for any man because we all deserve to be a first pick.
Guys, don’t think I’m blaming you for all of this, and ladies, please take that into account.
Most of the time, guys are not even aware when a woman feels she’s being treated as a Plan B. Many men simply see their female friends as their best friends; she’s another dude that just so happens to have a vagina.
I surveyed a few of my guy friends, ranging from the douche-iest boys to the sweetest of sweethearts, and after asking if they had a Plan B girl, I received some surprising answers. Many responses were along the lines of, “I’m not THAT heartless, are you serious?” Some said, “I would never do that.” When I explained the characteristics of a Plan B girl, I could feel a little mental breakthrough via Facebook chat. The guys were realizing that they actually have some girl friends like that, but they never thought that the girl might actually feel like a last resort, a Plan B, a second choice.
Guys, you may not be aware of it, but your best friend might, low-key, actually be down to be your lady friend.
Think back to those nights when she would text you saying, “I mean I don’t really know the girl, but if she did that to you, she’s not worth it. You deserve so much better than that, and you’ll find her soon (insert a thumbs up/smiley/heart emoji).”
Think back to those times when your girlfriend couldn’t pick you up because she was ‘too busy’ so you called your friend to ask if should would come get you, and she was there in no time, with In-N-Out in the passenger seat.
Think back to when you flaked on plans with your best girl friend for a hot girl you just met at a bar, and she reassured you, “It’s fine! Go have fun! We’ll hang out another time!”
I’m not saying guys are naïve, and I’m not saying all girls think of their guy friends in a sexual, potential boyfriend way. However, if you find yourself reading this and feeling a little saddened by its familiarity, maybe it’s time to consider that you might be his Plan B. If you are, it’s time to convince yourself that you are not that.
You are someone’s first and only option. You’re a super star. Go out there and find someone amazing, someone who will make you feel like you’re his first and only option, his superstar. Maybe your best friend will come to the realization that you are exactly that for him.
If you’re that guy and find yourself feeling a little confused after reading this because you might have a best girl friend who would do anything for you, and you might be treating her as your Plan B, know that she may not Plan to B around for long.
Photo courtesy Tumblr