There are a lot of components that make up a relationship. You want to get along, have similar views on the world, etc.
Some components are more important than others, and I suppose it depends on the couple in terms of which ones hold the most weight in a partnership.
There are some things people say shouldn’t matter in a relationship, and they're right. There are certain things that can be overlooked when you truly love someone. A lot of people might say sex is one of those things.
I, however, strongly and adamantly disagree.
There are plenty of people who will tell you sex is not important to them, and that’s okay; not everyone feels the need for physical contact or intimacy.
Some people can hold relationships with people they’ve met online, not see them in person for long periods of time and be totally fine.
Some people want to wait until marriage to have sex. If sex is not a factor in your relationship decision, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Some of us need sex, however -- and that’s not a bad thing, either. For some of us, a relationship needs sex to be well-rounded. Some of us are more sexual than others, and we value it as a major component of our relationships.
My friends and I often talk about bad sex -- what causes it? Some say some people are just bad at sex, but I disagree. I think if two people aren’t great at being intimate together, then, honestly, they probably aren’t super compatible.
I think sex says a lot about chemistry and how two people work together. Someone might have great sex with another person, but with you, he or she just isn't nailing it. It’s not the person, and it’s not you; it’s both of you, together.
It takes time and practice to learn how to be with someone, and sexual intimacy plays a role in that.
There are some situations, though, where you can just tell time isn’t the issue. It’s a bigger issue than just giving it time. So, what do you do?
I’m going to say something taboo: Sex can be a reason not to date someone, or a reason to break up with someone.
You are not a bad person if lousy sex, no sex or not the right kind of sex is the biggest deciding factor in choosing to be with someone or not.
Whether people want to admit it or not, sex and intimacy are important. Maybe not to everyone, but for a lot of people they come in at number one.
If you enjoy someone’s company so much and love practically everything about him or her, but the sex isn’t what you wish it were, what does that mean?
Maybe it means this thing is a beautiful friendship — but that’s it. I know that’s hard to hear, but like I said, sex can be very telling.
We need to be honest with ourselves.
We make sacrifices for the people we love -- it’s true. There has to be compromise, and there has to be give and take. However, there are components that make a relationship strong, and we can’t kid ourselves about the fact that sex is usually one of them.
If it’s a little bit off, then sure, you can work together to turn things around in the bedroom. If you’re constantly thinking about your best sex, however, and it isn’t with the person you're currently with, then you need to revaluate things.
If you love someone so much, and the sexual chemistry just isn’t there, but you don’t want to give that person up, that's fine. Give it a lot of thought, though.
If you’re with this person for a long time, you might start to resent him or her for not being able to give you what you need.
Ending something before the resentment sets in is always a better choice, trust me.
We shouldn’t have to settle for bad sex. We should only accept wonderful, mind-numbing, best-we’ve-ever-had sex because not only do we deserve that, but it also means the chemistry is there.
It means the person we’re with gets us so much, he or she is able to work with us to have the greatest sex in the world.
Sometimes, of course, the great sex is there, and maybe the other components of a good relationship aren’t. Wait for the person with whom you not only have great sex, but also every other essential component of a successful relationship.
That’s the person you’re going to go far with.