Team Solo: How To Own It As A Perpetually Single Woman Yearning For Love


There’s something about passing couples when you’re perpetually single that can make you either roll your eyes or want to give your best impression of Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a jaded Tom Hansen.

Whether the couple is holding hands, sharing a smoke or mirroring understood looks, you know what it means, and sometimes it can inspire a twinge of pain or longing.

I recently overheard someone tell a story about how she's “so easy to fall in love with,” and how this aspect of herself has led her to jump from relationship to relationship because I guess poor saps just couldn’t get over her.

Are we supposed to feel… sorry for her? Not that it matters either way because I’ll just be over here watching "500 Days of Summer" for the 500th time, crying into my comforter because “loneliness… it’s underrated.”

I’ve been a perpetually single woman for my entire life. I’ve always been open to the idea of dating or meeting someone, but it’s just never worked out that way. A few times I’ve thought that I was sure about someone, but ultimately things fell apart.

To my fellow perpetually single troupers in the battlefield of love: You are not alone.

I know well the pain in your heart and the bitterness you have felt. I understand your freedom, and the days you wish you could trade your wings for the comfort of a warm embrace. Your ability to flee, fly or wander as you wish is one I know well.

Spending time as a single person impacts what you want when you find a relationship. You don't want or need someone to wait on you hand and foot; what you really crave is a partner who will take turns at the wheel and help expand your mind and heart.

By this point, you’re probably pretty strong. You hold out for something that’s right rather than settling for something less than desirable. You know your worth, and sometimes it breaks your heart that you’re still alone.

Your relationship status does not determine your value. Just because your hot mess of a roommate has a boytoy, doesn’t meant that you are any less deserving for love. Who says you’d want the kind of love that others have settled for, anyway? Plenty of people have settled for things that aren’t truly love in the first place.

It’s hard to believe that you won’t spend the rest of your days solo when you watch friends, family and acquaintances tying the knot or starting families. Everyone has a different path, and out of the infinite combinations in the universe, being single at any point in your life is absolutely a possible outcome, and it could very well have nothing to do with anything intrinsic.

It might be hard to be alone, but being with the wrong person is even harder, and that situation can make you feel alone as well.

The only one in charge of your destiny is you. If you wish for love, keep talking to friendly faces and accepting dates. Take things as they come and strive to be present with every breath you take. You might not be able to control time or the universe, but you can make a place for yourself in it -- with or without a copilot.

Any day could be the day that the book you’re reading, the place you stopped for lunch or the bar you wandered into after work, alters your trajectory. The day your life changes starts like any other day.

Whether you’ve been a Tom Hansen or a Summer Finn, your life is capable of shifting at any moment. Whenever it is, you’ll be ready. Life is in constant motion, and you’re an expert at navigating on your own.

Whenever your day of change does arrive, just remember to keep enjoying the ride, as well as the new face in the passenger seat.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It