Recently, my sister and I wrote an article about being being “over” the entire dating world. While I wholeheartedly believed in everything I wrote in that article, several weeks after its publication, I realized I had a little bit more work to do to truly get there. Our article discussed being single AF and putting absolutely no effort into the dating world, but we forgot to address one last and final act that must be accomplished to truly be single AF and love it. That act is clearing the "roster."
Until recently, like most normal single ladies do, I had a roster. For those who have no clue what a roster is, it's a list — long or small — of your go-to text buddies and beyond. A typical roster is comprised of people who you are slightly interested in, but not in a serious, “Let's put a label on this” type of way. The purpose of having a roster is to help fill the void of being out of a relationship by filling your phone with messages, calls and attention.
A roster is a nifty little tool singles use to keep themselves in the dating game without having to truly commit to dating itself. Having some interested parties on your radar keeps you from dialing your ex in a drunken stupor, and it helps you feel sexy and alive, even on the most boring days.
Rosters are helpful in so many ways, but they must be kept in the lightest forms of relationships. It needs to stop at simple flirting. Once feelings get involved with anyone, that person is no longer a true "roster member." He turns into somewhat of a dating prospect, which you were trying to avoid in the first place.
For weeks, my roster was comprised of charming young men who filled my days with all the attention I could ever need. These guys were the thing of any smart single woman's dreams. Among the mix of them, I felt like I had someone to talk to while in the mood to flirt, I had someone to call when I was lonely on a Sunday night and I had someone to look cute for in a Snapchat selfie.
My days were filled with the excitement, giggles and attention, all of which didn't require me to commit to anyone or anything. It was simply innocent flirting between two consenting adults. Although I thought I was team super single, I was not ready to give up my roster.
I was blissfully wrapped up in everything about them. Then, it happened. One day, I had an extraordinarily busy work day, and I had no time to use my phone. After a long day, I anxiously picked up my phone — anticipating messages from any and all of my roster guys — but I came to find no messages at all.
My thoughts were, “What in the literal hell?” and “Have they all moved on?” After a small moment of panic and turning my phone on and off, my shock and awe was validated. I hadn't heard a peep in eight full hours.
The lack of messages and attention I was so sure I would return to at the end of the day killed me. I was genuinely upset that I heard zilch from any of these guys. This panic attack and hard dose of reality made me stop dead in my tracks. I realized that the names that populated my roster list actually did mean something to me.
Countless times, I tried to talk myself down from my feelings and remind myself that it meant "nothing." However, when I would get butterflies from a message or blush at a flirty text, I couldn't help but realize that it did mean something to me. These guys did start to get into my heart a bit. Why wouldn't they? They are all great guys and have hearts and personalities of gold.
It took hearing nothing from them for me to realize all of this. I had guys at my fingertips (literally) who any woman would be lucky to get attention from. But, having this roster was not a good fit for my singleness or for them. My feelings became involved, and I'm sure their emotions did as well. This, my friends, is when you know it's time to cut 'em loose and clear the roster.
So, that's exactly what I did. Sad as I was to say sayonara to these guys, it was the right choice. Rosters and feelings do not mix, and my single AF self does not have room for the feelings.
I can now say in accordance with our previous article, I really am full-on team single and happy with it. It feels good to not expect any messages on my phone because clearly, I can't handle having a casual roster. If anything at all, this has helped me realize there are plenty of amazing young guys out there. I just need to open my eyes to them when I'm ready to date.