Dodged A Bullet: An Open Letter To The Guy Who Wouldn't Commit

by Nicole Riley Banner

My fellow 90s kids and I are all doomed when it comes to healthy relationships.

We're young, and we constantly question whether our romantic flings will last or will be done by November.

But, we shouldn't stress about letting go of them.

We should focus on the people who treat us well, and we need to push ourselves to realize we're better than those who won't commit. We must demand respect.

If you're currently in one of these situationships, you should forget about the what ifs. Think about yourself and what you want, instead of questioning a guy's mixed signals.

And news flash, guys: We're not going to wait around forever.

Have fun ending up alone.

To the guy who lost me,

I get it.

Things have been going great, and our friendship is growing. We hang out all the time, our chemistry is great, and the sex is amazing, too.

We tried the whole "talking" thing once, and you made it clear you don’t want to date.

But that was a year ago, and the cycle just continues.

That’s fine. I respect that.

You say you’re not looking for a relationship, and I see you around countless women with whom I now have to joke about being eskimo sisters.

You look at it as being honest and proving to me we're nothing.

But when you dedicate the majority of your day to hanging out with me, calling me and hooking up with me, you're giving me the wrong impression.

This is more hurtful than you can possibly imagine.

I understand you’re a good-looking guy, and you're constantly surrounded by beautiful women I can never compete with.

We fight, we talk and then a couple of days later, I brush it off.

Things go back to normal.

A few days later, we're back to square one: hanging out, going for a swim the beach, FaceTiming or keeping in touch during our travels.

That’s why I dedicate my free time to you and ignore the pain that comes with it.

I understand you mess around with other women, and you want to be carefree when you’re out partying.

Sh*t happens.

A few too many shots, and you’re in front of me with some other chick. But by that point, I've probably already left and have just heard about it through a friend.

I don’t want to steal your freedom or make you like me. It is what it is.

But, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Do I even call you a hookup at this point? For the record, it's been a year and four months of being on and off.

I can assure you of one thing: It’s time to move on, even if that means giving up a best friend in the process.

Maybe it was time to start walking away a year ago. But if you can’t figure out where you stand with someone, do yourself a favor, and start walking.

I wish you luck and success in your life. You’re great and a lot of fun, and I'm sure you mean well.

Despite the sadness you've caused me, I've learned a lot.

For that, I will always be thankful for you and the things you've done for me along the way. I know what I want and how I want to be treated.

So if these are my last words to you, I just want you to know I always appreciated your company, your flaws and the days we spent together.

I hope I taught you something because I know I've learned so much from you. You’re handsome, smart, charming, funny and irreplaceable.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Only time will tell.

But until then, I cannot devote any more mental bandwidth to worrying about why I’m not good enough for you.


The girl who moved on