A Letter To My First Love: Thank You For Everything

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My Dear First Love,

You were the first I ever loved, and it breaks my heart to say that you are not my last. This letter is for you, so that you know how much I cherished you and how important you were — and are — in my life.

My first love, even though I do not see you and only merely know about your survival through Facebook and Instagram, I just like to occasionally check in, to see that you are happy.

Even though you may or may not read this, I have to admit that you were the first one to make me see life in different shapes and colors. You made life so full of excitement and passion that I felt exhausted but could not stop.

I wanted all you could give me; you are the reason I do not want to settle because you raised the bar so high. I am not saying you are perfect; you are certainly flawed. We are all flawed, but you already knew that and learned how to understand me.

We were committed to our relationship and our love was only for us to share. My freedom and dreams were never compromised because you always supported me and believed that I could do anything.

Looking back, I now laugh about how jealous I would get and how I would deal with my jealousy. It was only because I feared losing you, and no matter how much you told me you loved me, I was always a bit insecure. I know you felt similarly. Even though we were always ourselves in our relationship, we never got too comfortable.

This is why, my first love, it is so difficult not to glimpse back and open the vault of memories, to remember the butterflies in my stomach each time I saw you and feel a little out of breath after each magical kiss.

Our whole relationship was magical, come to think of it; it was strong and powerful, but then, it was gone. Sometimes, I even wonder if it ever even happened because it ended so abruptly and without closure. I guess this is why you are my first love. The wound is still fresh, even after so many years, and all I feel for you is love.

Remember how I mentioned before that I just want you to be happy? It is true. It does kill me that we cannot be happy together and live our happily-ever-after.

However, it fills me with happiness to know that you are happy and sharing your love and passion with some other girl who loves you, too. Even though I was very selfish and jealous when it came to our love, I cannot be selfish with you.

I want you to be happy. Even though all I have left from you is memories, pictures and high standards, I am grateful that I was able to have someone like you in my life, once upon a time.

You left me with the ability to love and to cherish, to never give up on something that matters, to never give up on love. I just wish you had not left me with a broken heart and many nights of crying myself to sleep.

I have concluded that no matter how much you love someone, it is hard not to hurt him or her. It is a matter of hoping for forgive and forget. You were my first, and it breaks my heart to know that you are not my last. I still want to thank you for being my first love — my first everything.

Now it’s time for me to find my last.

Sincerely, Your First Love

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