It's me. How are you?
This may come as a surprise to you, but there is something I finally need to say, even though it is long overdue.
You know I have always had a hard time opening up to you, always responding with some sarcastic comment when you try to be serious.
But the truth is, I'm afraid to open up because, deep down, I know you don't feel the same about me. I'm scared that, if I open up, I'll just lose you faster.
But I can't keep lying to myself anymore.
I can't keep waiting for the impossible to happen, no matter how close it may actually seem sometimes. Things between us will never end the way I've always dreamed they would.
For me, you've always been the one. You're my first love, my perfect match, the one who brings the best out in me and makes me want to be better. You're also the one that got away.
From the day I met you, I knew no one else would ever compare.
Three years later, I'm still right.
I'll admit, I know it may seem ridiculous for me to have felt this way because we didn't date for much time, but I was completely heartbroken when you left.
Being with you was better than anything I had ever dreamed of. And then, suddenly, it was just gone.
I didn't know what I had done to lose it all.
A year after you disappeared, you reached out and apologized. It was completely unexpected.
We slowly started again, as friends first, talking occasionally here and there. We had both been in and out of relationships during this time, but always came back to each other somehow.
Then, it finally happened.
You admitted that you have feelings for me. After all this time, they came back. After three years, it was looking like I was finally getting the second chance I had prayed for every night since you left.
But fate wasn't going to let it be that easy for us.
You're in the military and in a different country for another year. We haven't seen each other in person in over three years. Although the feelings are there, we can't just tell each other to wait.
But I'd wait for you. I'll always wait for you.
Hell, I've been waiting three years just for the chance to be where we are now. Another year is nothing if it means I can have you.
But now, things have changed again.
You're getting tired of me; you're moving on. I'm not dumb, I can see it. It's just like last time.
So, what am I to do? I can't ask you how you're feeling because I'm scared. And don't feel like I'm in a place where I even have the right to ask you.
So I won't. I won't ask where we stand, and I won't tell you what I've always thought about you or what I've dreamed for us. I'll give you your space.
You came back to me once, so maybe you will come back again.
But if that's not what you want, you need to tell me.
If you change your mind, I will always be here. I've always been here.
You need to live your life and find yourself. And when you're finally ready, I'll be here.
Waiting for a real shot this time.
This post was originally published on the author's personal blog.